My Strange Obsession With Water

I have this strange obsession. One that is really the only one way to explain it, a need to always not only have water on hand but to drink water excessively throughout my day.  I guess its an obsession or just a part of me that will stay in my life? I will explain.

Over the past ten years, a lot of strange things have become a part of my daily ritual. It takes me on average two hours to get to sleep from the time I take my Seroquel to the time I actually get to sleep. One of these strange things revolves around drinking water. It sounds weird, but it all started when I started lithium at the beginning of my diagnosis. My dosage was really high when I was first diagnosed, and those who have taken lithium know that it dries you out like there is no tomorrow.

From the beginning, I would drink copious amounts of drinking water every day. When I would wake after finally sleeping my mouth would be so dry that I started keeping water next to my bed. It didn’t matter as much when I wasn’t leaving my house, which I didn’t for many years. Eventually, my life improved and I got to place where, at least for a few hours, I could leave my house.

Then about two years ago I had one of the worst panic attacks in my life. I thought it was a heart attack. The ambulance came and it was a big thing. I couldn’t breathe and I was hyperventilating so bad I nearly passed out. I spent the night in the hospital. My social anxiety had hit its peak for the first in years. I still don’t really know exactly why my social anxiety spiraled only that certain things happened since this event that contributed to my social anxiety today. What was strange about this event was that water became what ultimately helped me through this panic attack, well that and Ativan.

My story only gets stranger. After that incident, I had to have water with me at all times. When my social anxiety gets out of control or feels close to that feeling of a panic attack, I drink water. It is strange, but it helps. I really can’t explain it. Part of the routine I go through every time I leave my house is making sure I have several bottles of water with me. I mind knows, and it won’t let me mentally prepare to leave the house until I have packed waters into my backpack.

In my mind, every time that I leave my safe place (my house) there is a possibility of my social anxiety leading to a panic attack. Given my history, it makes sense, because it has happened so many times over the last year. I have even left my house and gone a mile away before having to turn around fearing what will happen. Even when I am at my favorite place, my favorite coffee shop where I have spent so many hours writing, I always order a large water with my coffee so that it is there just in case I have a panic attack.

I make sure to always have cases of water in my room, and I even have a small refrigerator in my room so that I always have water on hand. It’s become my weird obsession that has become a big part of my life. I always feel dehydrated because of the lithium I take, but when I am in full panic attack mode my mouth gets extremely dry and I feel like I can’t breathe.

It is one of the worst feelings if I forget or run out of the water.

Water.

Who knew it would be such a big part of my life.

I am curious, what are your strange things that have come out of your diagnosis?

J.E. Skye

Photo Credit: kazuend

16 Replies to “My Strange Obsession With Water”

  1. I have been one to always make sure I have water with me ever since I was pregnant with my 2 nd daughter, which was before my diagnosis. Ever since I’ve been diagnosed though I constantly question if my behavior or feelings is due to my diagnosis , or not, or if I’m making excuses, or if I’m just plain thinking too much.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I know what you mean. I have thought about going to go write without the water always on hand. I actually don’t drink it as much when I am out but it has to be their and I can’t always pinpoint why. I could always go to the store and get water or like I usually do get water when I coffee. But I know this, I can’t even go into a store without having a bottle of water on me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know it’s like wAter is my air sometimes! Like you said basically. Sometimes I think i was a fish In a previous life! Lol

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Evens. My life is built around evens. It’s sounds silly I know but I will go back to ensure something is even. Even number. Even spaced. I sometimes try to break it because I refuse to be a slave to something so silly. I had something very bad and traumatic happen shortly after trying to ignore my evens.. it has not helped my cause. Sometimes I am crazy 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My only obsession is that everything must be in its rightful place in my home. If my husband moves it [whatever it is], I’ll be right behind him putting it where it belongs. This is more for my short-term memory loss problem. By having things in the same place everytime I want it I don’t have to worry about forgetting where I saw it last. It’s a cognitive trick I use to deal with the short-term memory loss.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I have a probably very common obsession with knowing where my mobile is/checking it. I’ve been known to go into full blown panic attacks without it. Many people tease me that I’m a typical Facebook/internet addict, but it’s actually because I was programmed from a very young age to have my mobile around in case something bad had happened to a family member. My Dad was 60 when I was born, and I lived most of my childhood (probably from about 4 to 19 when he passed away) waiting for the eventual awful phone call to say he had died/was dying. Two months after the call, I got another to say one of my closest friends had suicided. Even now I still worry about getting those type of calls. It’s weird because it means that my phone causes me a huge amount of stress if I have it on me, worrying about the calls I might get, but I can’t bare to be without it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can understand this very much. I do the same with my phone but for different reasons. I always feel I must have my phone on me at all times because of my social anxiety and my panic attacks. Sometime talking to people helps me get through. Thank you for sharing you experiences. Your story makes me feel a little less weird than I did a minute to go.

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  5. I have water next to my seat on the couch, and on my nightstand. I’m able to go out without a bottle of water, but a water *has* to be in those two places. I think it started when I quit drinking soda a few years ago.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I forgot to mention that I spend most of my days sitting on the couch lol

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  6. I always need to have water with me, as well. I have been that way as long as I can remember. Even if I just run to the store a few blocks away, I still need to have a bottle of water with me. I also need everything to be even/fair. If it is not, I need to make it so as quickly as possible. Again, this has been going on for as long as I can remember. Same with being a picker (zits, dry skin, scabs, anything that doesn’t feel like it belongs and makes my skin uneven when I run my hands over it…I have so many scars). These things didn’t come with my diagnosis, but have always seemed to be a part of me.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I have a thing with water as well, but it isn’t consumption it is immersion. Being in or around water immediately improves my mood and nothing halts a full blown melt down or panic attack like a shower or bath. In a pinch, even recorded rain sounds help.

    Liked by 1 person

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