Excerpt From Act Three – Memory of Shane

This is a scene from act three of my screenplay Memory of ShaneI wrote this scene after I completed the first draft and its a special scene to me. This scene shows Shane just hours before his suicide attempt at the end of the screenplay. It has no dialogue, yet it to me represents some of what I felt before making the decision to take my own life. If the scene looks familiar it is because it is a mixture of depression and anxiety that comes with such a decision. Here is another blog with a different scene.

INT. ADRIANA AND SHANE’S APARTMENT – AFTERNOON SAME DAY

MONTAGE:

– Shane is rapidly pacing the living room of his apartment. His laptop is open on a coffee table and a cup of coffee sits next to it, the steam still coming from the cup.

– After a beat, he sits down on the floor in front of the laptop leaning against the couch. He begins tapping on the keyboard of the laptop what seems to be a letter for Adriana.

– He gets up again unable to hold his focus on his work and begins to pace his living room once more.

– After a moment, his breathing starts to quicken as he takes deep shallow breaths. He moves to the kitchen and takes a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and takes a long drink. A look of panic washes over his face as this does little to help his breathing.

– He pulls his phone out of his pocket setting it on the counter next to the water. He starts to rapidly open and close his hands over and over.

– He picks up the phone from the counter and begins to make a call to Adriana but he quickly pushes the end button.

– His breathing quickens faster and he starts to feel faint. He grabs his water and then makes his way to the couch as his legs buckle under him.

– He pulls a pill bottle out of his pocket and puts several small round white pills on the table. He takes one and puts it in his mouth and gulps more of the water in the bottle.

– He continues to sit as he opens and closes his hands. It is a long time before he decides to take another of the white pills.

– After a while Shane sits calmer than before, his panic attack seems to have has subsided. He moves from the couch back down to the floor in front of the laptop and starts to type again.

END OF MONTAGE

Photo Credit: Alexander Lam

10 Replies to “Excerpt From Act Three – Memory of Shane”

  1. James, may I make a writing suggestion? You didn’t ask for feedback, but I’d like to point something out to you because it’s something that was pointed out to me years ago.

    Your writing includes many statements such as “Shane is rapidly pacing”, “he begins” or “he starts”. There’s a technical name for this writing and I don’t remember it right now. But it’s stronger to say “Shane rapidly paces” than “Shane is rapidly pacing”. And try to take out the “begins” and “starts”. “He taps on the keyboard” and “his breathing quickens” is stronger than what you currently have.

    Great ideas and great scene. Hope you find a home for it!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome! And that’s probably why it felt more real. I’m sorry you had a similar experience, but it does make for great writing

        Liked by 1 person

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