A Start of a Ten Year​ Journey Reflection

A journey must start somewhere. This blog post is what I hope will be the opening chapter of my memoir. This is a very raw piece right now, so it will most likely change and expand as work towards completing the first draft of my memoir The Bipolar Writer by the end of the year. This is an introduction of sorts but it is limited in its scope.

In this blog post you will get a glimpse of my journey. This is a pre-release to a series that will be released over the Thanksgiving holiday next week. over the next week, we will explore the last ten years and the roots of my issues of Bipolar One, social anxiety, and insomnia.

This journey starts on a cold November night during Thanksgiving week in 2007.

I never thought it was possible to make it to this all-important ten-year diagnosis and first suicide anniversary. My goal writing my blog and memoir is to look back on my life over the last ten years and share pieces of my life through experience as a member of the mental illness community.

I am Bipolar, but it will not define me ever again.

I chose the moniker of “The Bipolar Writer” because, as I have grown as a person with a mental illness, I have come to a better understand that being Bipolar will always be a part of me, and that is not so bad. To me, The Bipolar Writer is not just me, but parts of me and other writers. Eventually, The Bipolar Writer can be used to write my story down and then the stories of others.

I am proud to be Bipolar and I feel so close the mental illness community. I have shared the worst of me and the mental illness community still embraces me as a brother. At my lowest I wanted to end my life, coming very close the last time, and yet, here I stand. I am alive today because God wanted me here, I have unfinished business. My experience has become my strength and if my experience can save a life, well it means the words I write in this memoir will be worthy.

Within the confines of my memoir, you will find every part of me. My deepest darkest depression thoughts and longest depression cycles. How I found my way in complete darkness to the person who now writes openly about is issues. How being a writer, no— being The Bipolar Writer—is the product of years of ups and downs.

I will share my poetry and my darkest secrets. I will talk about the many medications prescribed to me over the years, and how changes in my medication lead to good and bad things along my journey. I will discuss how the revolving door of psychiatrists in my life has caused havoc at times, and how I have fought for every inch of my recovery.

I will talk diagnosis’ and how sometimes doctors don’t get it diagnosis right the first time, I was first diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I will talk about how doctors often fail to tell you all the information about the medication that they give their patients (I was never told about the realities of Ativan or Lithium.)

I will discuss my two experiences psychiatric wards and how since my diagnosis of Bipolar one, it has brought other issues into my life like social anxiety. I will explore my insomniac life and why I prefer to be an introvert.

There were so many points over the last ten years that I thought about beginning to writing my story, but every time that I began, the pain of drudging up my past was too difficult.

The reality that in November 2017, it marks my ten year anniversary of ups and downs with depression and mania, and how through it all, I am here alive today.

It took writing my blog for me to the understand the power that is found when writing my story,  I will share my experience, my hopes, and dreams which for so long I was unable to do.

I am not a fan of the chronological order of things when it comes to sharing my experiences related to my journey so the events of the memoir will seem to be out of order because what I write about in any given chapters affects different parts of my life and it will often be written about in different chapters.

When I talk about suicide the subject will be in different chapters because when I felt that I had to end my life, which spanned almost three years, it is important to talk about these events together and separately. The countless times I came close to going to that dark place, is not the same as the three times I went to that place.

Jumping around my mind isn’t always so easy, and some events are easier to get through than others.

If you want to have a telling of the chronological order of my life, you may want to put this book down. If you want to see the world through the eyes of someone who is Bipolar, this is the book for you. I hope by its end of our journey through my first ten years of diagnosis we come out better people. If you would have told me ten years ago I would be writing about my journey, and that I would be alive, I would have laughed at you.

J.E. Skye

If You Can, Please Support My Blog

The Bipolar Writer and this blog will be going through some major changes over the next couple of months. I am looking to expand what this blog does on a daily basis. I am asking for any donations from my fellow bloggers to pay for equipment (a laptop) to help with the issues with my current computer. Great things are coming and any little bit helps. Have a happy holiday season and a merry Christmas.

$1.00

Photo Credit: Bryan Minear

22 Replies to “A Start of a Ten Year​ Journey Reflection”

  1. It sounds like you have a lot to talk about in your memoir. I have a lot of respect for you, as I know how difficult and frightening it can be to open yourself up to others. I’m so glad you have decided to do this. The fact that you’ve been able to write about your experiences now proves that it is the right time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I am just glad I have found the strength to finally work through my issues here on my blog so they translate better in my memoir. Thank you for taking a moment to read my blog.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Bravo! A beautifully structured opening! I’ll be very interested to read the whole memoir at some point, as I have no doubt you will find a publisher for it. I agree with your idea to not put it in chronological order, as I think how you’ve structured your blog, placing similar events together and fitting things that relate to each other together makes a lot more sense. It’s part of that incredible clarity you have when writing, and I’m so glad you aren’t compromising that. It makes me incredibly proud that you can stick by your writing in that way, as that’s something I definitely struggle with.

    Speaking of my writing, I am borrowing an idea from you today and am writing from a local cafe. I need to spend more time outside the house when I’m feeling up to it, as I’m starting to feel really cooped up (plus I don’t get enough sunlight at home). It definitely makes me more focused on my work to be around people but away from my usual distractions (Netflix and my PS4 mostly :P). Thank you for giving me the idea!!!

    Finally, I definitely can’t afford $2000, but I’d like to give something as this blog has really helped me so much. How can I do that?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you as always. I am so happy to hear that you are writing at a local cafe. I am not even sure how the button works. I will figure it out tonight I know it’s new I think I am doing it wrong. I am going to research it.

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  3. It sounds as though your bipolar was a result of the pains you’d endured when you were younger, like mine was too, and, i’d worked through everything in my past, and that, is how that shrink who’d “diagnosed” me as bipolar declared me “cured”, but i KNOW that it wasn’t the medication that helped, it was working through EVERY single aspect of pain in my childhood years that’s made my bipolar II symptoms vanish…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My past is something that I need to work through in the future, it makes sense that your childhood trauma would contribute to what he are now dealing with.

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  4. I’m happy that you’re using this as a chance to share your story and to help other people overcome what you have, and to help people understand they’re not alone. I’m looking forward to reading your memoir when you finish it!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m really glad I found your blog! I’m extremely passionate about mental health awareness and writing – I was diagnosed with bipolar II this year and am writing a novel centering on the disorder. Thankful for your posts, your passion and your drive.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for taking a moment to read my blog. That’s great that you passionate about mental health awareness, and wish you luck as you work on writing your own novel around bipolar disorder.

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