My Social Anxiety Life – Part Six

If you haven’t yet read my blog about the things I am thankful for, please do. This will likely be my last blog post until the end of the week on Sunday. With a shortened week and a pile of school work, my only focus for the rest of the week will my school work and my memoir. I have to prioritize.

This is the sixth installment of a series that chronicles my issues with my social anxiety. I wanted to post this today while it is still fresh in my mind. Last night I had one of my regular panic attacks when my thoughts of what my Thanksgiving day will bring in the form of a social situation that I would rather avoid, consumed me. I will explain in a minute, here are the other blog posts in the series.

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five

If you have been following my blog over the last month or so you know that things between my best friend and I haven’t been great. Okay if I am being honest they have been downright horrific, to the point where she has disappeared from my life. When she asked me to do something so unspeakable, she has sent two texts in well over a month time. We have spoken about five words total.

It would be easy to just let her go from my life, but she has been one of the most important people in my life over the last ten year and even more than beyond my diagnosis. We have had spats like this before and didn’t talk for a few years. At that time I cut off pretty much everyone in my life, but she walked back into my life when my grandfather died in 2014.

The problem is, her family and my own are very close. Her brother is also my best friend and unlike his sister, we have always been close. Nothing really gets between us because we know and trust one another. Every Thanksgiving as long as I can remember their family comes to our house for the holiday, and this year is no different.

Last night I started to overthink last night and my anxiety began to take hold of me to the point of a full-blown panic attack. It was well after midnight which is where many of my worse panic attacks happen to me. I tried everything. Music. Relaxation. Meditation and mindfulness breathing. For almost two hours I was a ball of anxiety, and my only salvation came from an extra Ativan with the one I had already taken a few hours prior. Eventually, I got to a point that I could sleep around three in the morning.

That is what led me to write this sixth installment of “My Social Anxiety Life.” It is not all that hard to figure out my triggers of the anxiety attack. I don’t do well in situations like the one I will face today with my former best friend? Actually, I don’t know what to call her. Are we still friends? Will there be awkward silence between her and myself? Should I just hide in my room and just forget dealing with Thanksgiving drama?

I think there is a real lesson. Nothing good happens after 2 am (I wonder if anyone will get this reference.) I need to learn to write down my thought before they happen. I knew where my thoughts would go, and foolishly I thought just not dealing the issue like CBT has taught me, instead I thought things would be fine. You would think I would learn by now that this is never the case. But I can reflect today here on my blog and move on. Today might suck at times but I can always walk away. The holidays are supposed to be peaceful, but with family, nothing is ever peaceful.

I hope everyone has an amazing Thanksgiving. Always keep fighting.

J.E. Skye

If You Can, Please Support My Blog

The Bipolar Writer and this blog will be going through some major changes over the next couple of months. I am looking to expand what this blog does on a daily basis. I am asking for any donations from my fellow bloggers to pay for equipment (a laptop) to help with the issues with my current computer. Great things are coming and any little bit helps. Have a happy holiday season and a merry Christmas.

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Photo Credit: Timothy Eberly

19 Replies to “My Social Anxiety Life – Part Six”

  1. Holidays are so tough in many ways. For me, they’re often a reminder of how many people I’ve lost in my family. My grandad passed away when I was fifteen, and my father when I was nineteen, so family Christmas’ are just my mum and I now. It’s tough to get through, but every time we do it’s a big achievement. I hope your thanksgiving goes as well as it possibly can, given a very difficult situation, and know, just managing to get through that day is a big achievement.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I thought a lot about my grandpa. This was always his favorite holiday and it’s only been three years since he passed. That’s one of the reasons I love holidays, we can reminisce about our loved ones who are no longer with us. Thank you as always for sharing your own stories with me, it really means the world.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’ve created a space where it’s really easy to share. Thank you for that. It’s certainly one of the things I am grateful for this year.

        I always think of my dad around Christmas and New Year’s. It’s lovely to have that space to be able to think of the loved ones we’ve lost, I couldn’t agree more. Although I do find I miss him more around then too.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I laughed at the 2am comment. Not sure what you are referring to, but drama happens in my head at that time of morning. (Drama that doesn’t actually happen in real life most of the time.)

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh ok….I get it now! I’ve actually seen many of those episodes. It’s late. My brain is tired. And now that you mention that…it reminds me of hearing it.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Awesome read!!! As always!! I’ve became a fan for sure of your writings! I’m so new to this (I’m the paper and pen writer) with notebooks piled everywhere from years past. Instead of “studying” blogging or YouTube, I simply read your blogs and learn 😊 I do ALL from my phone (yes! It sucks!) but I won’t quit!!! The computer will come, the book will come together, I won’t stop! Thanks for teaching this litl Tennessee girl what blogging is…..really is! Keep em coming brother. And please if you have any advice, feel free to email comment or message. I’m sure I need all the help I can get! Lol. Praying for your new computer and things to make your writings easier!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind words. Blogging has been such an amazing experience for me, and it means the world to get comments like yours. I often write the first drafts of my blog posts on my phone. The was I see it, everything happens in due time. If you have questions about blogging feel free to ask. My email is JamesEdgarSkye24@gmail.com

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks so much!!! I wanna go as far as the sky will allow and then I wanna jump the fence that says “do not cross this fence” lol!!! 26 years of STUFF COMING TO LIFE!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. How I met your mother, right? For the reference? Haha. But it is true, nothing good ever happens that late. I’m glad you’ve learned to walk away. Hopefully your thanksgiving wasn’t as stressful!

    Liked by 1 person

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