12:15 am

I have been spending my day content writing and working on a couple of school projects that are due this week. I wanted to reshare this poem, I shared it earlier when I first started my blog and its a favorite of mine. It will end up my memoir The Bipolar Writer but since I am about to hit another followers milestone, I thought why not share again?

A little background on my poem 12:15 am. I wrote this at on April 29th of this year during one of my worst panic attacks of my life. This “poem” is just my thoughts during this event that I put together from a journal entry I wrote. It was tough because I was restless and anxious, so it was hard to stay still and write. I wrote half of it in my room and the other half outside. At the start the poem, I was in full panic attack mode and I had just taken an Ativan. This panic attack required more than one Ativan. By the end, it wore me out beyond compare.

Enjoy.

J.E. Skye

12:15am

It’s 12:15 in the morning.

My mind is racing and

I can feel my panic rising.

Shallow and slow, I can’t catch my breath.

Restlessness. A feeling of unease.

My hands start to tingle, numbness takes over.

I pace. Take a drink of water—

then begin to pace again.

I must stay inside, no— I can’t.

I must go outside.

My mind races faster, Will I run out of breath?

How do I control this feeling of helplessness?

I overthink. Please stop!

Then again, I over think. And again.

I overthink.

I lose control and the only way back,

is it this tiny white pill in my hand?

My salvation.

God, I want to sleep.

There is so much to do tomorrow.

Finally. I’m in control again.

Anxiety, why do you control me so?

It’s over for now,

But it won’t be the last time.

If You Can, Please Support My Blog

The Bipolar Writer and this blog will be going through some major changes over the next couple of months. I am looking to expand what this blog does on a daily basis. I am asking for any donations from my fellow bloggers to pay for equipment (a laptop) to help with the issues with my current computer. Great things are coming and any little bit helps. Have a happy holiday season and a merry Christmas.

$1.00

Photo Credit: Ian Espinosa

10 Replies to “12:15 am”

  1. Wow! Amazing poem coming from the grips of a panic attack. I don’t think I could have handled that at all (The writing part that is) while being in the throes of such a horrible moment. You certainly captured the moment without a doubt.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with in the middle of a panic attack. I got the idea from my therapist. I doubt I could do it again, but it was a good experience.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. It is hard to write in the grips of panic. I have thrown my books and pens doing it. Thanks for sharing, man! I think it is fantastic you have accomplished so much trying to recover.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. James, I know it must have been awful to try and write these thoughts in that state however, kudos! You are amazing. This share captures just how awful, and all over the place this feeling is. Great job as always 🙂 Thank you for sharing again.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s