I have been spending my day content writing and working on a couple of school projects that are due this week. I wanted to reshare this poem, I shared it earlier when I first started my blog and its a favorite of mine. It will end up my memoir The Bipolar Writer but since I am about to hit another followers milestone, I thought why not share again?
A little background on my poem 12:15 am. I wrote this at on April 29th of this year during one of my worst panic attacks of my life. This “poem” is just my thoughts during this event that I put together from a journal entry I wrote. It was tough because I was restless and anxious, so it was hard to stay still and write. I wrote half of it in my room and the other half outside. At the start the poem, I was in full panic attack mode and I had just taken an Ativan. This panic attack required more than one Ativan. By the end, it wore me out beyond compare.
It’s 12:15 in the morning.
My mind is racing and
I can feel my panic rising.
Shallow and slow, I can’t catch my breath.
Restlessness. A feeling of unease.
My hands start to tingle, numbness takes over.
I pace. Take a drink of water—
then begin to pace again.
I must stay inside, no— I can’t.
I must go outside.
My mind races faster, Will I run out of breath?
How do I control this feeling of helplessness?
I overthink. Please stop!
Then again, I over think. And again.
I lose control and the only way back,
is it this tiny white pill in my hand?
God, I want to sleep.
There is so much to do tomorrow.
Finally. I’m in control again.
Anxiety, why do you control me so?
It’s over for now,
But it won’t be the last time.
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The Bipolar Writer and this blog will be going through some major changes over the next couple of months. I am looking to expand what this blog does on a daily basis. I am asking for any donations from my fellow bloggers to pay for equipment (a laptop) to help with the issues with my current computer. Great things are coming and any little bit helps. Have a happy holiday season and a merry Christmas.
Photo Credit: Ian Espinosa