How I Write When Things get Muddled

There are days when writing just comes naturally to me. It’s not a brag. I know most writers, if not all, have days where the pen and paper (or fingers to a keyboard) where life just makes sense. I love those days a writer.

Then there are days where my mind is muddled with depression and anxiety, and I have to work hard to just get in the right mood to write. At one point in my life, I let my writing come to me. I would wait and see if inspiration would come to me. Then the days, weeks, months, and even a year passed me by with very little writing being done. It was amazing if I had just one good day during this stretch.

It was only in the last year and a half that I work on write daily within the confines of my blog, my writing projects, and school. I usually do my best to write every day.

But lately, it has been a struggle. The best way to describe it is trying to write in the middle of the swamp. I just keep sinking deeper into my depression and anxiety to point where I wonder at the end of each day how I got through all of the mess that is my life at this time of the year.

I amaze myself sometimes because I am getting really good at writing even when my depression and anxiety is tugging at my life force. So how do I do it? I just get out of bed each day and try to be a writer today than I was yesterday. Its nothing special just a goal I set for myself. I try to write articles in advance so that the days where I just can’t write can still be effective. In my past, so much my personality was giving in when the chips were stacked against me.

It will never easy to be Bipolar and writer, but I think once I figured out that I needed to always be who I am first, a writer, things changed.

It started early last year as I worked towards writing my first screenplay. It had been more than a year since I completed a work project, and it was a struggle to work most days. But, the experience changed me. I finally started to feel like a writer most days and when I finally finished my first project in years at the end of last year, I felt one with myself as a writer for what seemed ages.

And then I started to have health problems at the start of this year. Extreme highs on my anxiety, lots of depression, and stomach ulcers that landed me in the hospital for a week, it took me months before I got back to writing.

I am starting to feel as if the same things are happening to me, will I lose my will write?

It took me editing and writing again slowly into the summer, and the completion of the final draft of my screenplay in March, to put me back on track in my writing. I started working over the summer on different projects and I started to compile the ideas of what became The Bipolar Writer and this blog.

My point in telling this story is to show that no matter what, you should be who you should be. I have let depression, anxiety, and insomnia rule most of my life to a point where I used it as an excuse to not write. The further away I found myself away from writing the worse I got. I stopped being true to who I am as a writer. I lost myself. It took me years to finally find my place again.

Being Bipolar is just a part of who I am, and if you’re reading my blog it’s probably in your life as well. But, it doesn’t define us. I have found ways to turn my depression and anxiety into positives in writing my blog and my memoir. It’s never easy. That much is true as work on getting through some of the worst anxiety this week. I am still here and fighting for what I want in my life.

You can write even things get muddled.

I think if anyone with a history like mine can find his place in the world, there is no doubt that you will find yours.

Always keep fighting.

P.S. I stole that saying from the AFK campaign. I have bought so many shirts with that saying on it that it is always on my mind.

J.E. Skye

If You Can, Please Support My Blog

The Bipolar Writer and this blog will be going through some major changes over the next couple of months. I am looking to expand what this blog does on a daily basis. I am asking for any donations from my fellow bloggers to pay for equipment (a laptop) to help with the issues with my current computer. Great things are coming and any little bit helps. Have a happy holiday season and a merry Christmas.

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Photo Credit: Stefano Pollio

21 Replies to “How I Write When Things get Muddled”

  1. Definitely a good read.

    I’m not bipolar but I battle my own depression and anxiety and other chronic illness. Some days I want to write but I’m so down in the dumps it’s hard to find motivation.

    Keep it up. Seeing someone else keep at it is a little encouragement for the rest of us too as well.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks. This was especially needed in my own life right now as I am feeling so down lately. Still I do my best to write as much as I can. Thank you for sharing a piece of your own life with my blog.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I too suffer with bipolar and have had a tough two years including hospitalisation for 3 months. Then yesterday I had a brainwave, I will focus on writing poetry and look into online classes. I need this focus to get a handle and work through the pain inside. Thanks for sharing post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am a product of online classes. I go to Southern New Hampshire University and their writing degrees are really good. I am finished next year and graduating in June. It’s a good school.

      Sorry to hear about your three month hospitalization. It’s tough being in the hospital and lost in your depression. It went through so many hospital visits in my first three years of diagnosis.

      Keep fighting and let me know if you need more information on online schools

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This post resonates with me very strongly. I’m not really aspiring to be a writer (in a career-getting-paid-and-being-published kind of a way) but writing is important to me, it helps me stay afloat and make sense of the world and my own head. After the first really serious depressive episode, very many years ago, I pretty much stopped writing altogether. It was as if some light went out of me and I didn’t know how to get it back. I would have brief periods, when I was in a better mental space, when I would write a little bit but it never lasted. It’s really only in the last few months, during another lengthy depressive episode, that I decided that I wanted my writing back and I would do anything to reclaim my own voice. I started keeping a journal again, I started writing poetry, then my blog. It hasn’t been easy but I’m trying to write a little bit every day, especially when I don’t feel like it. It is an enormous encouragement to read about your own experiences and to see how you’re keeping going even when it gets tough. Thank you for sharing, keep fighting!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I apologize for the late response. Bad couple of days. Thank you for sharing this with my blog and of course with me. Journaling was actually how I got back into writing again before I started writing my screenplay. It’s very effective. I use my blog now as kind of a journal of sorts when I write my articles. It’s never easy but writing is so much a part of why I am still here. I feel lost without my writing. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement and for the comment.

      Like

  4. Always keep fighting! You really are an example of keeping fighting, congrats! As a fellow writer (fiction and mental illness related) I found this very inspiring. I do not have bipolar but have some version of cptsd And something with hallucinations and Anxiety and depression. Reading about someone suffering from another mental illness who can get bogged down yet persevere-its inspiring. I get bogged down too and am currently in a slump. Keep going! Hope you feel better soon!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hate slumps. They are he worst especially since writing is my life. Thank you for sharing on my blog. It means the world to me to know I’m not alone.

      Like

      1. That’s a great way of taking about the mental health community. Hopefully one day we wont have to stay so hidden. That is why I write. Thank you for sharing.

        Like

  5. I love that saying – life is a struggle, you really do have to keep fighting for the things that you value and want in life. It’s hard. I went through my own period of letting go of writing (and art for that matter) because I just gave up, felt unhappy and unmotivated with things in my life. I used it as an excuse, and I’m trying to work it back into my life. Writing everyday has been one of the best decisions I’ve made in a long time. I’m slowly coming back to my love for it

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s an amazing saying. Have you heard of the AKF campaign? It was started by Jared Padalecki (from supernatural and Gilmore Girls) through represent.com. They have some of the best t-shirts (I am sort of a t-short addict) and hoodies. I always wear at least one of my AKF gear during the week.

      Writing is keeping me together right now. I love getting lost in my writing.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I actually haven’t! But that’s really cool (: I’ll have to check it out.

        And so do I! It’s a great feeling (:

        Liked by 1 person

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