All it takes is a little faith for some sunshine to come through the darkness.
I made the decision to forgo blogging today. What was the point? I never I had to go see my psychiatrist today, the same one that told me I had to just deal with the prescriptions that are given to me.
My last appointment lasted about two minutes, and I was wary that anything was going to get done today. So I didn’t write. I felt lost. Overly anxious all day.
On three different occasions since I woke up this morning I have felt as if I should just cancel the entire day and not go to my appointment. Three times I convinced myself that I really needed to go. Finally, about an hour before my appointment I committed to going but my anxiety was high.
For once I wasn’t disappointed.
My doctor listened and we had a conversation about my anxiety. We came up with temporary solutions like increasing my Ativan and changing how I take my Seroquel at night. We talked about working on my CBT every week again with my therapist. We had a real conversation.
We talked about me getting an anxiety dog (which I will be looking into next week with the therapist.)
For the first time this year, I left my psychiatrist appointment with some real hope. It is amazing what a little faith can do. Moments before I went to my appointment I made another decision. To really talk to my doctor and not get frustrated.
I have a lot of work to do over the remainder of 2017. I have big plans for 2018. I am going to get back on track with CBT. I am going to focus on not needing the Ativan and taking it at the right times during my day. I am going to keep writing because let’s face it, that is what got me through the last few weeks.
I finally have some light in all my darkness today.
I will write another post next week updating my progress. My blog posts from here on out will be on other topics.
If you have a mental health topic covered in my next post feel free to drop me a comment.
Please Help me Publish my Memoir
I have finished the first draft of my memoir “The Bipolar Writer,” and I have decided to go down the self-publishing route. If you can donate anything towards my goal, it would mean the world to me. Those that give will get a special mention in my memoir on a page dedicated to those that made my memoir possible. Thank you in advance!
Photo Credit: Tyler Lastovich