All it takes is a little faith for some sunshine to come through the darkness.
I made the decision to forgo blogging today. What was the point? I never I had to go see my psychiatrist today, the same one that told me I had to just deal with the prescriptions that are given to me.
My last appointment lasted about two minutes, and I was wary that anything was going to get done today. So I didn’t write. I felt lost. Overly anxious all day.
On three different occasions since I woke up this morning I have felt as if I should just cancel the entire day and not go to my appointment. Three times I convinced myself that I really needed to go. Finally, about an hour before my appointment I committed to going but my anxiety was high.
For once I wasn’t disappointed.
My doctor listened and we had a conversation about my anxiety. We came up with temporary solutions like increasing my Ativan and changing how I take my Seroquel at night. We talked about working on my CBT every week again with my therapist. We had a real conversation.
We talked about me getting an anxiety dog (which I will be looking into next week with the therapist.)
For the first time this year, I left my psychiatrist appointment with some real hope. It is amazing what a little faith can do. Moments before I went to my appointment I made another decision. To really talk to my doctor and not get frustrated.
I have a lot of work to do over the remainder of 2017. I have big plans for 2018. I am going to get back on track with CBT. I am going to focus on not needing the Ativan and taking it at the right times during my day. I am going to keep writing because let’s face it, that is what got me through the last few weeks.
I finally have some light in all my darkness today.
I will write another post next week updating my progress. My blog posts from here on out will be on other topics.
If you have a mental health topic covered in my next post feel free to drop me a comment.
If You Can, Please Support My Blog
The Bipolar Writer and this blog will be going through some major changes over the next couple of months. I am looking to expand what this blog does on a daily basis. I am asking for any donations from my fellow bloggers to pay for equipment (a laptop) to help with the issues with my current computer. Great things are coming and any little bit helps. Have a happy holiday season and a merry Christmas.
Photo Credit: Tyler Lastovich