At around 10:15 pm yesterday I lost control for the first time in two weeks.
I thought I was passed this. It was a great two weeks of my anxiety going down and no panic attacks. I know panic attacks are a part of the life but with my new dosage of Ativan, I was so hopeful that things had turned. This might have been an isolated incident. Stress from a stressful week. So many things to get done. So many things left before my much-needed break from school.
I have no idea the cause last night. I was feeling anxious sure, but I was relaxing the best I can I was in the middle of a good video game. I tried to do My mindfulness meditation and it was a wasted session.
All of a sudden. I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t calm myself. I felt sick. So I rested. I was playing my video game and a wave of anxiety washed over me. So I did what I could and took my night time Ativan anxiety medicine early.
It didn’t help and before long I spiraled out of control. I could barely or keep still. My fingers down to my palms were numb. I couldn’t breathe, and I was hyperventilating and losing control. I was in a full-blown panic attack with no control, and those are always the most dangerous. I lost myself completely.
It got so bad my family had to call an ambulance. By the time the ambulance and fire arrived the third Ativan finally started to take effect. It took so long, but by the time they arrived they told me what I figured. They couldn’t give me anything in the ambulance and it was the same at the hospital.
I had to let the Ativan finally kick in. Will this alwaysbe my life?
The Ativan eventually went through my system, and it wore me completely out. My doctor says bed rest but I have my project due by Sunday. I am stressed to the max. So many goals and so little time to achieve them.
I know I am stressed. I just have to get through this week and I will have a much-needed break from all stress. The funny thing is I just saw my regular doctor today, and she gave me a flute shot. Now I am sick and had a really bad panic attack? Maybe I am reading too much into it.
So, today is another day. I had a setback but I have to keep going forward.
Always Keep Fighting.