It was a successful first post in sharing my mental illness journals at different times in my life. You might find it interesting that I only really journal when things are not at their best when I am in different parts of my depression. I want to share these journal entries because unlike writing blog posts my journals are more raw emotions written on paper.
If it works out this may become a series on The Bipolar Writer. I have offered three different journal entries, one from 2014 and the other two from 2015. Since these journal posts are raw thoughts I did no editing on these posts. What you see is as is.
Mental Health Journals 2014-2015
Journal Entry December 24, 2014
You Have to Start Somewhere,
I know that at the start of every year I say I will keep a journal. It is so hard to find new and interesting things in my life. There is not much to say about my life. Nothing really happens to me. I live a very boring existence. The only solace that I get each day is spending endless hours trying to forget my life by diving into video games and trying to better myself through getting a higher education. Is it all worth it?
I am going to make it work in 2015…
Wait, I really say that every year. I am going to try and not make promises and just do the actions that the promises always are about. I need to write in a journal daily, write my thoughts, my dreams, and most of all my story. My story is not the greatest in the world, I may never become a famous author. But, if I always fear that I will fail then I get exactly where I am now, nowhere.
I really don’t know what this year is going to bring. It could be like 2014 or it could change. But one thing is clear. I need to change. Do something different for once. Stop living in the past and move on. I have really wasted almost eight years of my life trying to figure it out. The reality has to hit me eventually.
I will have to just for once try.
So here we go, only a few more days left in 2014 and the change starts now…
Journal Entry Januar 31, 2015
Is Life Good?
That is really the question. I am in good spirits, but does this last? It is normal for me to be skeptical about my life, every time something goes well, many bad things follow. That is just the way that my life has always gone. I mean, you get used to something like everything going bad, you just automatically expect things to go wrong.
But, that doesn’t mean things won’t change…
In fact, the truth is if I just stay as positive as humanly possible, anything can truly happen. I want to start anew. Write my memoir but use some of the new techniques that I am learning. I think it will be great to get a fresh start. I can still use what I already have written, but I can take it in a new direction.
That is what I have learned the last few weeks. I took a shaky freely written story that was written by a guy who wanted to write, and I have taken it to a new direction. I have written what is possibly my best piece of writing to date. I have finally taken a piece of writing into the revision phase, something that has never really happened. I mean its pretty invigorating to actually get a short story in a real direction.
Can I make this writing thing work, well that remains to be seen. I also want to start working on my novel. I know I have a great idea, I just have to work it as best as possible.
I want to take my new skills and the ones that I have learned into a new direction. I have to start the writing exercises that way I stay sharp and be my best. Writing takes habit forming. I have had some bad habits in the past but if my life is an example things can and often do get better. What can I do but get better? I can go up from this, I know it!
So journal, here is to keep things moving along.
Journal Entry February 24, 2015
I know it has been a while…
What can I say, I am a creature of habit. I make plans to do great things and then I let it go, not really thinking that my habits are taking over. What does that make me? Sometime I wonder if my plans will ever come into fruition. I mean I try so hard to get myself motivated, but in the end my bad habits get the better of me.
What can I honestly say about myself. I think my life is going to get back on track and then I take two steps back. It is my life. I am trying though and I hope it comes back around and I stop taking small steps forward.
One positive is that I completed a short story. One of the first. I would love to really start my Blog again. A place where I can post my completed work but this time really get it going. That could be a good goal for me. A place where my writing life and life intersect. It could be a place that going forward it could become a positive influence.
I am trying to get in the right mind. I truly am. What can I do honestly? Try and I guess in my life that will have to be enough. I have been thinking a lot about my birthday. Its coming up in a little over a month and half. The significance is that it would be my thirtieth. Back in 2007 I would have wagered against actually making it to that point, because honestly I didn’t think I would make it that far but here I am. I can take some comfort in the fact that something has gone right, for the moment I am still alive.
James Edgar Skye
Please Help me Publish my Memoir
I have finished the first draft of my memoir “The Bipolar Writer,” and I have decided to go down the self-publishing route. If you can donate anything towards my goal, it would mean the world to me. Those that give will get a special mention in my memoir on a page dedicated to those that made my memoir possible. Thank you in advance!