Bipolar Disorder & Love

(Already posted this but it’d be cool to have it featured on your blog)

I think it is fair to say that romantic relationships are among the most complex, thrilling and devastating things we get to experience. This goes for every single person.
From the first love to the downward spiral that ends in heartbreak. I am not an expert (clearly) and I am hardly old enough to pull from my past but I am Bipolar so I can tell you what that’s like.

The years before I was diagnosed were filled with confusion and self-doubt. I never knew if I was coming or going. I was all in then I was quite literally running for the girl’s locker room circa 2008. If I had to describe what type of partner I was in my teen years I think the best way to put it would be… I wasn’t. The usual commitment struggles accompanied by a budding mental illness did me no favors.

In layman’s terms, I was trying to be in a relationship posed as a normal person. This was and still remains impossible. There are certain adjustments that have to be made. When I was a little younger I was like that Beatles song…

“You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello hello
I don’t know why you say goodbye, I say hello.”

Except I was saying hello and goodbye over and over.

c-hey2.jpg

Fast forward a lot of years (in my mind) and now I’d say I know a thing or two. Well, this is what I think anyway. My partner cannot, should not and will not be my everything. I think this is actually a pretty healthy way of going about relationships but hey this is my blog so these are just my opinions.

Fact: I need to be taken care of.
Falsehood: My partner is the only person who should and will be doing the taking care of.

I am lucky that I have an incredible mom and best friend. If you lack a strong support system then I highly advise joining a support group, getting therapy and honestly just blogging about it helps so much.

Fact: My partner needs me, to be honest.
Falsehood: My partner needs to know everything I am thinking of any time.

This sort of control is abusive for so many reasons. Bipolar or not we all have our own private thoughts and feelings. It is perfectly OK to keep some of them to yourself. Of course, if it is something that is vital your partner know then open the floodgates but if not give yourself room to breathe.

Fact: My partner needs to try and understand my illness.
Falsehood: My partner needs to perfectly understand what it is I go through and experience.

Your partner no matter how loving and willing, cannot and should not be your therapist. They can offer a wondrous amount of comfort and support but there is such a thing as burdening them with more than they can handle. Please don’t guilt yourself for manic or depressive episodes but try and keep in mind they are not your only outlet.

The beautiful thing about life and relationships is there are so many people. There are so many roles we need to have fulfilled but no one person should have the responsibility of being your everything. In my case, my thoughts can get really dark and no I will not share all of them with my partner. The one exception being suicidal thoughts. I don’t expect many people to understand this last bit but I have a relationship with my illness it is after all what makes me, me.

I hate it, I love it, I loathe it, I accept it, I deny it and I live with it.

We all need our own space especially when you’re bipolar. Your partner can love you till you turn blue but if they want to show their love then they need to recognize there is apart of you they will never fully get to see. They will never fully get to understand. It’s not an intentional or vindictive thing. It just is.

Your friend,
Hume

Photo Credit:Β unsplash-logoMayur Gala

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44 Replies to “Bipolar Disorder & Love”

    1. I think we all do from time to time. (I definitely forget.) Thank you for commenting. Wishing you all the best my friend.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you my friend. Your kind words mean more than I could ever express. Sending you my best wishes.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I am beyond flattered right now. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my gibberish let alone reblogg it. You’re an angel and I send you my best.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! I look forward to reading your writings. This truly is such a supportive and loving community. Send you my best wishes.

      Like

  1. YES! i can relate to this so much. Sometimes i feel like i unload all of my anxious thoughts onto my poor partner and expect him to understand when he really can’t because he doesn’t have a mental illness. i really need to remind myself that he is not my therapist

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It is awesome of you to remind yourself of this because I don’t speak from a place of perfection. I also have to try be mindful enough to practice this. Thank you so much for your comment, sending you my best!

      Like

  2. Love this. I found so much of myself in your post. I’m thankful for my best friend too and you’re right we’ve had to make adjustments so that our relationship works. We’re going into 6 years now and I’m finally just getting my shit together. Lol πŸ˜‚ thanks for posting this!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I am glad to hear of the long term success! that is definitely not easy, mental illness or not. I am glad you enjoyed it because your comment has brought me so much joy! Thank you for the kind words and good luck with everything. Sending you my best!

      Like

  3. Thanks for this insight… it really is very true about someone struggling with this illness. Relationships are difficult enough, but this article I found myself relating to a lot. Thanks for taking the time to share this view!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well said, we all have our own way of understanding and coming to terms with things and I think that is profound and concise. Thank you. Sending my best.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! and I am happy to hear you have her in your life, sending my best πŸ™‚

      Like

  4. This is a deeply insightful and mature way of looking at yourself. I’m happy to see that you’ve made so much progress. I also need to keep some of these things in mind.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am not jumping for joy that you relate, however it is nice when you find someone who understands a lot of what you experience, so with that said I send you my best πŸ™‚ and thank you for the kind words!

      Like

  5. Thank you, thank you for this. New to blogging about my bipolar disorder, so this was a great read for me this morning.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hume, I love this.
    I have only started blogging, and am delighted to have found your blogs!
    I live with bipolar and am in a relationship, but was only diagnosed in 2009, when I was 35 years old, so can absolutely relate to the chaos (my words) of relationships prior to meds and treatment.
    It was one almighty big mess!
    Thank you so much for sharing, and for so brilliantly highlighting some really valid points on bipolar and relationships.
    It’s 6.40am here and already I’ve learned something today! Brilliant!
    Keep well. x

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow! what a lovely and sweet comment. Thank you so much. Your kind words are taken to heart and mean a lot to me. I am happy to hear you’re getting the help and treatment you need. Sending my best. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  7. You hit the nail on the head in my opinion. I was already married when I was diagnosed so my hubby and I went through much of this journey together. He is my rock and biggest supporter. I am blessed with a great support system. I can’t imagine what dating with Bipolar would be like. When do you tell someone? How involved do you let them get and when? My kudos to all of you facing the dating world. Good luck.

    Like

  8. I related to this so much. Finally someone has put into words something I to have dealt with being bipolar myself, and not being treated until now in my 20s. I really like how you have fact vs. falsehood. So many abusive relationships I experienced and some I didn’t realize they were until they were over.

    Liked by 1 person

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