I often struggle with the need to be perfect in everything that I do in life. My blog has to be perfect. Everything has its place and every blog post must follow certain guidelines. It has to be perfect in every way. My writing is like that too. And yet, I am far from perfect.
Where does this need come from? I always feel out of sorts when my life isn’t perfect. Since that I always, it makes me laugh that I always feel like I have to be perfect. Take being a student. Since I started my Bachelor’s degree I have received only one grade lower than an A. That should be good right? It’s not. I often feel like I have to do more and be more perfect. Write the perfect paper. Write the perfect discussion board each week.
Right now, I am going amazing in both Statistics and my Literature class. Still, I stress I am not doing enough each day and that I have to do better. I have to be perfect.
I felt bad this week (it is only Tuesday) that I am falling behind on writing interview feature articles. My list of people who have done their part by answering my questions, I that I have failed them by taking so long. I will get to each person in time but it stressed about it.
I am super busy at the moment. I am of course a full-time student with a full course load every eight weeks. I have this blog. Thank god I have contributor writers if not there would be enough time to write content. I try to answer every comment that I can but even that is getting to be too much. I am working on my memoir, and its a very big task. I took a big freelance project, and while I am moving along at a great pace, I still feel as if I could do more.
I am having to decide each day what is important and things are slipping. I still want to be perfect.
I am so busy seeking perfection that I realized something today. No matter what I do nothing is ever perfect. There will always be days where I have to take a break. I have such lofty plans for my summer, that the need to work myself to exhaustion each day. It comes from my need to be perfect.
It has always been there. I often talk to my therapist about it in my sessions and she always tells me I need to take more breaks. That I need to realize that I can’t be perfect each day. My need to be the best writer I can be, and be perfect, well that can’t be attainable in the sense that I want it to. I need to give myself credit for what I have done. Which is a lot of great things lately.
Can we achieve perfection? I would say no. Things will happen as they do. One day I will find a way to beat my obsession with perfection. Before it get’s me into trouble with my mental health.