The Bipolar Writer Defines What is Bipolar Disorder
I had an interesting question posed to me this week. The question was this: what is it to have bipolar disorder and what is it?
Since starting The Bipolar Blog in September of 2017, this has never been asked of me. I am always writing from experience because I am Bipolar. It is who I am. The ups and downs of this life are second nature to me now. I never thought that within this blog I would have to define what is it is to be Bipolar.
To me, being Bipolar is living with the constant highs and lows. Mania and depression rule my life. I have been through depression cycles that have lasted years at a time. I have manic episodes where I max out my credit cards and feel as if I am on top of the world. My behavior becomes reckless and I become elated at what I can do when I am manic. At times it comes in cycles and the rare occasion it cycles really fast.
My depression episodes are when I am at my lowest. I am the worst version of myself. My darkest thoughts are there waiting to consume me once again. Everyone gets depressed at some point in their lives. But, for someone who is Bipolar, it means that your depression reaches levels that no human should have to live with on a daily basis. At least it seems that way when my depression takes over. Depression can your best friend and worst enemy.
Depression and mania can happen at any one moment. It can be instantaneous. You’re fine one moment and then the world changes. You wake up feeling as if the world is crashing down on you. It is crashing down on you. Depression takes you over, it becomes your familiar companion. The next minute, you are on top the world.
Depression and mania is war in your mind, and each one wants to take you over for good. When you realize it, you find that you can win some battles and lose some. It’s the best way to survive.
What is Bipolar disorder? It’s the extreme highs and lows. The worst parts of being a human being. It means taking medication to get to point where you can deal with life. For some, it takes years to get to that point. The battles they never go away. It leads you to different and equally horrible things like insomnia and anxiety. It can drive you to do things that you never would have imagined.
Things like suicide and self-harm become a part of your illness. You get lost in it, and for some, they don’t survive it. Those of us that do, have to work to get the real story out there into the world. To better educate the masses.
Being Bipolar should never define you, but at the same time it is who we are, and that goes for every mental illness. Part of the problem of the stigma surrounding mental illnesses is that we don’t accept it. We don‘t accept that this illness is a part of us. It’s not a bad thing. I know for so long I thought it was bad and I had to hide.
I am Bipolar. I am The Bipolar Writer.
Always Keep Fighting.