12:15 am

A little background on 12:15 am. I wrote this at on April 29th of 2017 during one of my worst panic attacks of my life. This “poem” is just my thoughts during this event as it pertains to anxiety and panic attacks. It was tough because I was restless and anxious, so it was hard to stay still. I wrote half of it in my room and the other half outside in the darkness of the early morning. At the start, I was in full panic attack mode and I had just taken an Ativan. This panic attack required more than one Ativan that time. By the end, the panic attack iwore me out beyond compare.

Enjoy, and please Always Keep Fighting.

12:15 am by James Edgar Skye

It’s 12:15 in the morning.

My mind is racing and

I can feel my panic rising.

Shallow and slow, I can’t catch my breath.

Restlessness. A feeling of unease.

My hands start to tingle, numbness takes over.

I pace. Take a drink of water—

then begin to pace again.

I must stay inside, no— I can’t.

I must go outside.

My mind races faster, Will I run out of breath?

How do I control this feeling of helplessness?

I overthink. Please stop!

Then again, I over think. And again.

I overthink.

I lose control and the only way back,

is it this tiny white pill in my hand?

My salvation.

God, I want to sleep.

There is so much to do tomorrow.

Finally. I’m in control again.

Anxiety, why do you control me so?

It’s over for now.

Please Help me Publish my Memoir

I am getting close to finishing my memoir “The Bipolar Writer” and I have decided to go down the self-publishing route. If you can donate anything towards my goal, it would mean the world to me. Those that donate will get a special mention in my memoir.


Photo Credit:unsplash-logoTyson Dudley

16 thoughts on “12:15 am

  1. Felt this too many times. Glad you pulled through and that you have an outlet in writing. Some people I talk to are envious that I write away the pain, and I just can’t see how people don’t do it. I guess it’s not something everyone can do. I feel for them. Great post.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You are so courageous to share your story. Been there so many times. I try to keep it “secret” because I hate having someone ask “what do you have anxiety over?” I can’t explain it. Sometimes they come right out of the blue. I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack because my heart is beating so hard. Insomnia makes it worse. Someone mentioned to me that I always seem paranoid. I don’t know. I know I’m extremely observant of my surroundings.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Hi James, this can’t be easy but keep sharing. For what it is worth, I feel the hightened sense of awareness is part of your creativity…use it to your advantage!
    Two strong sentences stand out for me in your post…’I lose control’ and ‘Finally. I’m in control again’…what would happen if you could accept the feeling, if you could let go and ride the wave? Check out Eckhart Tolle’s book ‘A New Earth’ pg.165…”All I’m asking is that you find out whether it is possible for you to allow those feelings to be there…..” read on it is a great book, worth reading!

    Liked by 1 person

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About James Edgar Skye

I am a novelist, screenwriter, and blogger. I have written a screenplay entitled “Memory of Shane” and working towards the completion of the novel version. I am also writing my memoir “The Bipolar Writer" which also serves as the name of this blog. I also write feature articles on other members of the mental illness community on my blog.