It has been a while since I have posted one of my journals from my past. I love these post because I don’t change anything, not a single word. Though most of my journals are hand written I still rewrite them with every flaw. My journals are my real raw emotions that I had during some of my worst anxiety and depression. I think eventually this will be an ongoing series.
I also wrote a post about the masks we wear in this mental health life that you can find here.
So without further ado here is two more journal entries both from 2015.
September 14th, 2015
So day one was filled with plenty of positives. I made all my appointments and got some good news, at least I hope it will be. I am starting a new medication as soon as it is available tomorrow. I hope it will bring some much-needed change in my life as school is fast approaching.
There is still more to do. I have lots of prep work for school and I hope tomorrow, since it is wide open, will provide me with the necessary time to get my goal of ahead of my school work started. There is so much left of this week left and I am worried that I might get too overworked especially if my anxiety continues to be an issue.
I have been working hard on finding the true triggers of my anxiety. I know that social situations are a major factor. Every time I step outside my door my anxiety grows to such high levels. Maybe the new medicine will help. It has helped talking to my therapist about my anxiety. That is really a new area for me. I have been much more upfront about my growing issues, something I have never been really great at.
So into another day and hopes at improving even its in small increments. That is all I can do at this point. Continue to move in a direction of positivity. So much hangs on the next few days and my ability to get through it. I wish myself good luck.
September 15th, 2015
What to write about? Today was an okay day. There were things that I hoped to accomplish and I did. It was the small victories that have guided my life today. Even when I missed some things, like meditating because I went to get my blood drawn, it wasn’t a major issue like it usually is. I didn’t get worked up.
My anxiety has been manageable today, its the first time in weeks I could say that. I take caution because it is only one day, and the day isn’t over with, but I promised myself to celebrate the little victories daily and the major victories when they come around.
I have really enjoyed the tea regiment that I have been on. The energy from the teas has helped me get through some of my day. The relaxation tea keeps me calm. I like that I can get energy from tea without the after effects like when I drink coffee.
I want to continue to write in this journal. It really helps to put things into perspective. It helps to keep my thoughts aligned with words on a medium I understand and love. I am dedicated to continue to get better. Later this evening I will get my medicine, a new medicine, that I hope will continue the trend of good thoughts and good overall healthiness. If I can get my mind right I think I might actually have a chance at happiness. I have had enough bad in my life for one lifetime.
Please Help me Publish my Memoir
I have finished the first draft of my memoir “The Bipolar Writer,” and I have decided to go down the self-publishing route. If you can donate anything towards my goal, it would mean the world to me. Those that give will get a special mention in my memoir on a page dedicated to those that made my memoir possible. Thank you in advance!
Photo Credit: unsplash-logoSandis Helvigs