When you think about depression and anxiety, and the dangers it’s victims face; you probably think of suicide. In fact, most people that have never been around, or dealt with depression and anxiety will probably think that suicide is the only danger of these mental illnesses. The fact that some people think suicide is so scary really pisses me off. When you live life with depression and anxiety, sometimes, the last thing you are scared of is dying.
You’re scared that you might say the wrong thing, so you just say nothing at all. You spend all this time in your head, running through conversations that haven’t even happened. Just so that you can say the right things. So that you won’t upset, or anger someone. So that they don’t think you’re weird or stupid. All of this running through your head, while you just sit there quietly, unable to make a sound.
You’re scared that your friends are just hanging out with you out of pity, or for a laugh (at you, not with you). So much so that you just lay in bed, make excuses as to why you can’t make it.
You’re scared that your hopes and dreams are too lofty. That you’re not good enough to want these things. That you’ll never be good enough to achieve what your heart truly desires.
You’re scared that you’re not good-looking enough, not smart enough, not rich enough. That you’ll never find someone who loves you for who you are. You desperately try to be someone you’re not, in the hopes that someone else will approve of you.
You’re scared that no one likes you, that they all just “deal” with you because they have to. That person is always talking badly about you behind your back. And why not? there is nothing good about you anyways.
You’re scared that if you give it your all, and still fail than you’re worthless. So you just find comfort in not trying at all.
You’re scared that if you had just done something different, that maybe, your past wouldn’t be like it is. You constantly think about would have, could have and should have. That there were so many ways that could have had a better outcome.
You’re scared that the love your family feels for you isn’t real. That it is only because they have to feel love, that they do. You’re scared that no one will ever love you, that there’s nothing to love about you
You’re scared that everyone and anyone you meet will judge you. Based on your looks, your clothes, how you talk, how you walk, anything they can, because there isn’t anything good about you.
You’re scared of doing something wrong, so you just don’t do anything. You lay in bed, just thinking about everything that needs to get done, and that none of it is.
You’re scared that if there is a God, why would God make you this way. Why would God make you defective in every way imaginable?
The truth is, is that it’s not you who is scared. It’s me that is scared. The truth is, is that depression and anxiety are so much more dangerous that you can imagine. The truth is, I am not afraid of dying. The truth is, I am afraid of living.