The True Dangers of Depression and Anxiety

When you think about depression and anxiety, and the dangers it’s victims face; you probably think of suicide. In fact, most people that have never been around, or dealt with depression and anxiety will probably think that suicide is the only danger of these mental illnesses. The fact that some people think suicide is so scary really pisses me off. When you live life with depression and anxiety, sometimes, the last thing you are scared of is dying.

 

You’re scared that you might say the wrong thing, so you just say nothing at all. You spend all this time in your head, running through conversations that haven’t even happened. Just so that you can say the right things. So that you won’t upset, or anger someone. So that they don’t think you’re weird or stupid. All of this running through your head, while you just sit there quietly, unable to make a sound.

 

You’re scared that your friends are just hanging out with you out of pity, or for a laugh (at you, not with you). So much so that you just lay in bed, make excuses as to why you can’t make it.

 

You’re scared that your hopes and dreams are too lofty. That you’re not good enough to want these things. That you’ll never be good enough to achieve what your heart truly desires.

 

You’re scared that you’re not good-looking enough, not smart enough, not rich enough. That you’ll never find someone who loves you for who you are. You desperately try to be someone you’re not, in the hopes that someone else will approve of you.

 

You’re scared that no one likes you, that they all just “deal” with you because they have to. That person is always talking badly about you behind your back. And why not? there is nothing good about you anyways.

 

You’re scared that if you give it your all, and still fail than you’re worthless. So you just find comfort in not trying at all.

 

You’re scared that if you had just done something different, that maybe, your past wouldn’t be like it is. You constantly think about would have, could have and should have. That there were so many ways that could have had a better outcome.

 

You’re scared that the love your family feels for you isn’t real. That it is only because they have to feel love, that they do. You’re scared that no one will ever love you, that there’s nothing to love about you

 

You’re scared that everyone and anyone you meet will judge you. Based on your looks, your clothes, how you talk, how you walk, anything they can, because there isn’t anything good about you.

 

You’re scared of doing something wrong, so you just don’t do anything. You lay in bed, just thinking about everything that needs to get done, and that none of it is.

 

You’re scared that if there is a God, why would God make you this way. Why would God make you defective in every way imaginable?

 

The truth is, is that it’s not you who is scared. It’s me that is scared. The truth is, is that depression and anxiety are so much more dangerous that you can imagine. The truth is, I am not afraid of dying. The truth is, I am afraid of living.

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45 Replies to “The True Dangers of Depression and Anxiety”

  1. This is powerful. As a fellow sufferer, I still struggle to work out what is ‘normal’ levels of worry and what isn’t. Like, it’s okay to be nervous for a job interview, but is losing sleep 2 weeks in advance too much? When I was first diagnosed I was amazed that not everyone lives like I do… and it’s something I learn more about every day. Thank your for your post, and your blog.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You should read my post called Am I Normal on my blog smileswebear.com. Everybody has their own normal, we have to stop seeing normal as something we need to be, and instead see is as something we are.

      Like

  2. “You’re scared of doing something wrong, so you just don’t do anything. You lay in bed, just thinking about everything that needs to get done, and that none of it is.”

    I feel you. I feel this. Fuck I feel this so much.

    And at the same time reading this I see strength. Sometimes lying in bed is our response to experiences that tell us… the world is a tough place. I’ll be safe in here. Know what I mean? Where it might feel like defeat, it’s our mind telling us we might need to sit this one out.

    I’m curious how you came to know that bed was a safe place? How has that been of great service to you in the past? Are there times when you’ve pushed yourself out of bed, and what happened those times? I am imagining that you’ve had experiences that just reinforced getting out of bed=danger. How did you cope with those?

    I guess my rambling has a point, in that I don’t know you but I feel for you and would love to hear more about your story ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. For me my bed means comfort and sleep, sleep means that I don’t have to feel this way for a while. Sleeping is like being dead, but not as harmful to those around you

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s like a way to protect ourselves I feel like? I do the same thing when I’m depressed. Even though you might feel like absolute shit, you’re still thinking about others while still trying to muddle through the mud. I can respect that

        Liked by 1 person

  3. ‘I am afraid of living’ – Wow! This is really relatable and well-written. Thank you for depicting your feelings regarding depression and anxiety so honestly. Cheers

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  4. Absolutely true. I’ve felt all of these things as well. Great post.

    I’m sorry any of us experience this but there is a tiny comfort in knowing we’re not alone.

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  5. I missed reading your posts! This hits home. The last thing I’m afraid of is dying… and people don’t realize that at all. So now, I’m more scared of telling them how I feel because I don’t want to fail them in a way.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. “The truth is, I am not afraid of dying. The truth is, I am afraid of living.” This comment hit home HARD. This is how I felt for YEARS, that I could never make anyone understand.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. After over 15 years of struggling, my life is finally on an upswing (mostly). There are still things that terrify me about living, but now so much that scares me about dying. Thank you for your post!

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  7. This is literally so so accurate. Unfortunately I’ve found when I have opened up about it people leave. Which obviously makes the anxiety worse, thinking the real me isn’t good enough so I’ll always have to pretend.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. We live in a world that is ever changing. The world tries to “fix” everything. We try to fix ourselves. Knowledge is at our fingertips and society is even more disconnected. It almost feels as though if you DON’T suffer from anxiety and depression, what are you even paying attention to in life?!?!? I’m glad I found your blog. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Thank you for writing this, I found it very inspiring! I really appreciate when people talk about this rather difficult subject. Thank you for writing this, again.

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    1. You’re very welcome. My own blog is entirely composed of writing like this, as well as articles that I believe will help others dealing with mental illness. You can find it at smileswebear.com

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Sometimes people ask me how it’s like to have anxiety and everything you just mentioned in there is everything I am feeling or felt. People always think I am fake. Tbh I think i am but not in the way they think. It’s nice to know someone feels exactly the same way you feel

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    1. It’s always nice to know that there are others that are feeling the same things you are. Don’t worry, you’re not faking it, because if you feel this way you shouldn’t feel as though your emotions are fake. Just what I think, stay strong and keep fighting!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. This is so true. Such a real expression.. I feel your pain and hope you continue to make steps in the right direction to heal yourself. A perfect insight for people who don’t quite get just how soul destroying anxiety can be

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I hope that I continue to heal as well, it’s proving difficult as of late, but I continue to persevere. Thanks for the kind words

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  12. Wow, very powerful read. I was intrigued the whole time and resonated with it. I think topics like anxiety and depression that people often avoid are very important to talk about so I try to as well. Keep writing and think as positively as you can!

    Like

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