Social Anxiety Before my Therapy Appointment

A Few Thoughts Before my Therapy Appointment

Today is appointment day for The Bipolar Writer as I get to see my therapist for our bi-weekly meetings. I must admit I missed another appointment about a week and a half ago because I was sick. That means since January 1st, of 2018, I have had just one therapy appointment— and it is March 13th.

It has been a crazy week and its only Tuesday. Alongside my social anxiety, depression has made its presence known. I wrote about it yesterday here: When My Depression and Anxiety Meet

I can admit, I am quite anxious today. The main goal of the past few weeks has been to work on my social anxiety, and specifically what triggers have to lead to my recent panic attacks. My therapist wants to work on my panic attacks in hopes to get that under control. It makes sense but I am scared about the prospect of looking at what are the underlying causes. We are using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which has been so effective in my life.

So here are the thoughts running through my head right now. My hope is that in writing these it will help me focus, and these are my real social anxiety catastrophic thoughts that always go through my head. We are just hours away from my appointment this afternoon.

Here are my current five catastrophic thoughts.

  • Will I be able to drive today? It’s raining today. Which is funny because it was hot all weekend. I thought, okay its getting to the middle of March we are in for some warmer weather. Then it rained the last two days. This adds another element to my anxiety.
  • Will I be able to sit in a waiting room without raising my anxiety? It has been awhile since I have been in a public place that is not a place I am comfortable with.
  • Will I have enough time to explain?  The problem with missing appointments is that it has been weeks that I have to catch my therapist up on in my life. There is a lot of things that have gone wrong. Increased depression and certainly my ongoing struggles with social anxiety.
  • Will I have a panic attack at some point? This is a real fear. I am always worried about this hours before I leave my house,
  • Will I have enough Ativan? Okay, so I always have enough Ativan. I have a scheduled dose around the time I leave. The question really is will I have to take extra to get through my day? Only time will tell.

I hate doing this to myself. I haven’t even stepped outside my house and these thoughts are dancing in my head. I am thinking of asking my therapist to switch me back to weekly visits. With my school, writing, and freelance work schedule this could be a challenge but summer is fast approaching, and I really need to get a grip on my social anxiety.

So that is where I am at with my social anxiety life. Wish me luck.

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Always Keep Fighting.

James Edgar Skye

Please Help me Publish my Memoir

I have finished the first draft of my memoir “The Bipolar Writer” and I have decided to go down the self-publishing route. If you can donate anything towards my goal, it would mean the world to me. Those that donate will get a special mention in my memoir on a page dedicated to those that made my memoir possible. Thank you in advance!

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Photo Credit:

unsplash-logoConnor Dugan

unsplash-logoConnor Dugan

24 Replies to “Social Anxiety Before my Therapy Appointment”

  1. I’ve never thought about it but I have all the same precursors, prior to my appointments—but get a few beers in me and I’ll talk to any stranger around. It’s funny how the brain works sometimes. Hope your appointment goes well!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dude this is a really accurate reflection on a lot of my own experiences (and Im going to assume for others as well). Best of luck for your appointment, well done for going, accepting the anxiety, and putting a plan in place to get there.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I absolutely hate when I have to sit and wait, and wait for an appointment. I get so anxious. I am getting better. For you, when you are getting ready to go anywhere you are thinking the worse, try, if you can changing it to positive thoughts, even if you don’t believe them, like, “I have extra ativan with me just in case, even though I won’t need to take it.” That way, if you do end up actually needing it, you will still have it. You have to continue convincing yourself on a daily basis though that you won’t need it. Say it like you believe it, even if you don’t in the beginning.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The hour at the therapist can go by so quickly. I go in with things written down sometimes so I don’t forget to talk about something. If I look at the clock and see only 10 minutes left I know I will leave there feeling like I didn’t accomplish everything I wanted to.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m glad to hear your appointment went well. I frequently get super anxious before an appointment with my therapist, but I just recently switched to a new one. Aside from the anxiety of starting over, she has really been helping and I’ve been looking forward to sessions rather than stressing about them. I’m hoping that sticks!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hate starting over! It is the worst. I have had to deal with that with my psychiatrists over the years. I am lucky I have been with therapist for a few years. I trust her. I am sorry you had to switch.

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      1. It was actually a much needed switch. The other I was with was very rude to me towards the end, but it was definitely a stressful switch. I’m thinking it will be a really good match once the awkwardness of starting over is gone.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I understand that. The awkwardness is never fun. It was almost eight months before I really opened to my therapist. I had never been so open. It was because of my therapist that I found the strength to write this blog and my memoir.

        Liked by 1 person

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