This is going to be a very busy week for The Bipolar Writer. I am the middle of my my second to last semester and the work is piling up. Both my classes are 300 and up (a 309 Political Science class on State and local government also a 400 Diversity class). I am working on two short papers, a significantly important powerpoint project, two different discussion boards, and of course a ton of reading. There is even a quiz somewhere in there for me to do.
So my week will be very limited. For the first time since the start of 2018, you might only see one or two blogs from me this week. With that said, I want to share more of my old journal from 2015. I have chosen a single exciting entry this time because it’s longer than most of the ones I have shared. As you might know, 2015 was not a great year, but it was the beginning of changes that I started to make.
You can find my other journal entries here: My Depression & Bipolar Journals I will republish this page later today. I am hoping to put together a music blog post this week, it has been a while since I have done one of those. You can find those pieces here: Favorite Music. With that said here is one of my journal entries from September 2015. In this entry, you will see me struggle with giving up coffee, something I always think is possible in my life.
* Note: I write these journals precisely as they were written, errors and all. These are pure thoughts, and I tend to write really fast when I journal.
September 11, 2015
I am still having some issues with my anxiety, but I am taking what I hope are positive steps in the right direction. So far today I woke up not exactly where I wanted to but at least I got out of bed. I added something new that I am not sure will be effective. I added an herbal tea to my morning routine in hopes it will be a better alternative to coffee. We shall see in the coming weeks if I have to give up caffeine completely.
A positive step I made today was that I was able to write a bit today and I did thirty minutes of exercise. I really want to start meditating in the morning time, but I will have to work on that when I start waking earlier in the morning. I think over the next few weeks my focus has to be on my overall mental health. I am at a place where everyday is a contestant battle with my depression, anxiety, and my thoughts.
I must fins a way to balance my life again to a point where my thoughts don’t rule my life. I must learn to live in the moment, the now must become paramount to who I must become if I have any chance of getting back to normal. This cycle that I have put myself into must have some kind of end. There was a time when I was better and happy. Although those time seem to be gone I can’t dwell on it, because it is in the past. Why do I let it control me?
So in many ways I have no choice but to keep moving forward with my life. Looking back I got worse after deciding to take a semester of school off. I became lost in the idea that taking the the time off would somehow help me. In reality it just pushed me from my overall good of getting back to reality and a better life.
I just have about a week and half before school starts back up and while that adds pressure to my life. I am ready for the challenge that it will bring, and who knows in doing so I actually find a new part of me I didn’t even know existed. So here is to a new outlook, you have to start somewhere.
James Edgar Skye
Please Help me Publish my Memoir
I have finished the first draft of my memoir “The Bipolar Writer,” and I have decided to go down the self-publishing route. If you can donate anything towards my goal, it would mean the world to me. Those that give will get a special mention in my memoir on a page dedicated to those that made my memoir possible. Thank you in advance!