Letting go of people is never fun, (especially if it’s over the side of a cliff) yet I am growing, and might I add painstakingly, to realize it’s just a part of life.
As a disclaimer I need each and every one of you to know that I don’t pretend to be the only person who understands the depth of emotions that so cheerfully accompanies saying goodbye to someone, however when I write it usually comes as if I am the Lewis and Clark (yes both simultaneously) of first hand experiences. The joke being they weren’t the first and they couldn’t have done it without Sacajawea. (yeah, yeah they made some maps and stuff.) With that being said, let the dramatics begin!
When you first realize you’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship it is more or less comparable to the sting after a hard slap in the face. Hypothetically the hard slaps have been happening gradually over months, years, decades and in the most unfortunate cases; a lifetime. I don’t particularly feel like chronicling my isolated experience, I’d prefer to speak more vaguely about it (I like to maintain some privacy).
I’ve usually prided myself on the fact that I can read people fairly well, I’ve got strong instincts and I sense energies, (don’t worry I’m not a witch but thank God we aren’t in Salem, Massachusetts circa 1692-1693) Anyway, through out the years I have had distinct moments where I assessed the relationship in question, I knew some behaviors were unhealthy and I took note of them.
I’m wonderful at understanding why people are the way they are (we are whatever we say we are, and if we weren’t why would we say we are?) although I am afraid I have spent too much time justifying people and their actions. I have missed a lot of opportunities to reason whether or not a person is or isn’t healthy for me.
In truth, I have done the dirty work that is removing cancerous people from my life, but now I have the daunting task of saying goodbye to my best friend. We’ve know each other for about 13 years and as one could imagine, we have so many shared experiences. She was there for me through many tough times and vice versa; I’m trusting that you understand what a friendship entails. It’s surreal in many ways. Romantic relationships come and go but it’s been bff and bffl ever since elementary.
Now, I understand there isn’t much point dragging you all down memory lane, it wouldn’t be conducive for anybody, especially myself. I don’t hold anything against her, like I said I understand why she is the way she is, but I’m just now fully realizing that I can’t allow myself to be treated this way. If someone were to spill coffee on my lap I’d probably apologize to them, and that’s pretty much how our relationship has been.
So, no. Slaps in the face, the sting afterwards and hot coffee spilled on laps aren’t the best experiences, but I do thank her for the good times because there were many.
I wish her nothing but the best, but I’d be lying to you all if I told you I won’t be experiencing my own private sort of hell for awhile.
Pain is a shared experience and so is learning.
Photo Credit: unsplash-logoHenri Pham