Am I Meant to be Alone?

My Thoughts in Recent Weeks

Am I meant to be alone in this world? I have pondered this question lately.

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I am mostly talking about myself as a member of the mental illness community but also as a human in general. I am starting to realize that people were never supposed to be alone. Yet, I find that many in this mental illness life find many of us are alone in the struggle. Sure, there is family. I was lucky my family never gave up on me, but they might only understand what is going on with me at a single level. I hope that they never have to live through a depression cycle or social anxiety.

Mental illness has many layers.

I often wonder about the personal choices that I have made, to live in this world where it’s just me and my issues. It made sense ten years ago when I was in a great relationship with someone who was willing to go along with my problems. But I was too scared that what I was about to go through and that it was too much for another person.

To be honest, I never thought I’d make this far. I almost didn’t on at least one occasion. In the first years of my diagnosis, I was content with being alone my issues. It made sense if I wasn’t going to be a part of this world then going out alone was the best for everyone. My family would miss me, but they knew I was always on edge.

Then I got better, and life changed. I started to figure out this life.

I never thought I would be on the road to recovery. It was something that I decided one day and been on this journey ever since. It’s always been that way with me. I make a choice, and I go full throttle. It’s been the worst and best parts of my personality. I make a decision good or bad and stick with it.

It’s only in the last year, with the writing projects I’ve completed, that I have been thinking about the future. But where to start. Deep down there is always my biggest fear. If I started a family could I do it? Take the risk and possibly let what I believe is a part of my blood transfer to someone innocent? It is a real worry.

I have for most of this mental illness life fought this battle on my own. I never thought this could be possible, living outside my illness. I have thought so much about my social anxiety as it has become a significant part of my over the last two years.

I have thought so much about what being alone has done to me. I have so many triggers to sort through, but the one that sticks is being alone. The thought that I could die alone now scares me. Who would have thought that would be me?

We as humans are not to be alone. I have reveled in being alone for so long. I don’t know where to go from here. I keep writing and fighting. That’s what brings me happiness now. So I do what I do?

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I haven’t asked a question in a while in my blog posts. What do you think mental illness community bloggers, is it better to be alone or are we not meant to be? Do you believe there is someone out there for everyone?

James

 

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38 Replies to “Am I Meant to be Alone?”

  1. I do believe there is someone out there for everyone. and no, definitely dont think we’re meant to be alone. humans crave connection, we are built for it. xoxo

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  2. I think building community is hard but necessary. Connections with other humans builds perspective, especially when have mental health challenges. And yes at this point I believe there are people for everyone out there. My husband and I are proof positive of that. I never ever thought I’d trust another human being the way I trust him and he feels the same. We’re 2 quirky odd ducks that compliment each other and it works. We joke I push him out the door and he pulls me off the cliff. Where one of us has weakness the other has strength. But prior to 5 years ago I would have been a cynic in that department. So it’s funny how life can change in ways you’d never expect or believe were possible

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  3. I don’t believe we are meant to be alone. We need people. I am not sure if that means there will be a romantic relationship for everyone. I do believe that when you least expect it, it will happen for you. Try to be patient if you can and the person God has planned for you will happen. Keep your eyes, ears and heart open. Patiently give it to God and it will happen when you are ready and least expect it. It will happen for you, if you want it to. I am divorced and am not sure if it will happen for me again. I give it to God and feel if I am meant to find someone I will. I am blessed because I have my children so I am not alone. I am not sure if I will be ready to be in a relationship again. I would love to find a great christian man who would love me and appreciate me just the way I am. I believe it will happen for me when and if it is part of God’s plan. As I said I give it to God. I suggest you keep doing what you are doing because you are dong the right things and I believe one day it will happen for you if you want it to. Pray for the right person and the perfect timing. I pray for much happiness and love for you and for your life to be blessed beyond words. You deserve great things in this life because you are a wonderful person doing incredible things. Hugs Sue

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  4. I also don’t think we are meant to be alone, and I definitely think there is a reason for those of us with a mental illness to exists, even if it is only to support each other. I think there is a major difference between being alone and not being in a romantic relationship though. I have certainly felt very alone when I wasn’t in one (particularly before I dated my first “proper” boyfriend) as it felt like everyone else had a relationship and I didn’t. Having said that, I was never really alone in those times. I have a very supportive mother, and I am blessed with quite a few close friends who are basically family (my biological family is just my mother and I now). Even when I wasn’t spending time with them, and I kept myself away from everyone, I wasn’t alone. For me, that’s very comforting, and hopefully, it is to you too! Sending you lots of support from the other side of the internet!

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    1. Thanks. It’s something that has weighed heavy on my mind. More as I have seen success over the past year. I fear also it’s too late for someone like me because I am set in my ways.

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      1. I can definitely understand that. I think that you have already changed in the last couple of years from what we’ve talked about in the past and what you’ve shared on your blog. It seems you have become much more open to sharing online, and over time (although it may be a lot of time), I think that will translate to sharing with your family. I hope that will help with that feeling of loneliness!

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  5. I’m one of those hopeless romantics who believes in soulmates and “the one” and ‘til death do you part, so my answer is yes. I believe there’s someone out there for each of us who can handle and even adore our “crazy.”
    ~ fullcircle ❤️

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    1. It’s funny. I love romantic stories and books. I’ve written a few myself. In some ways I do believe there is someone for everyone but at other times, I am not so sure. I am sort of a cynical romantic. I would love to experience that again but could I?

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      1. It’s completely up to you. You have to be open to that kind of love and ready to endure whatever it may bring your way. With love, we have to expect there to be some pain involved or it wouldn’t really be that deep of a connection. That means we have to be in a good place with ourselves before we’re able to handle a “forever love.” That kind of love deserves a fresh start, void of any unhealed wounds from the past that may affect the present relationship sometimes without us even realizing it. Basically, don’t bring no baggage on the trip that will last a lifetime.
        ~ fullcircle

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  6. James. I don’t think we were meant to be alone, but it also isn’t a curse if a person doesn’t find “the one” … Though I’ve been blessed with a wife that understands me inside and out I know of family members that have never married and are doing just fine. Once you get to a certain age it’s not that you give up, you may come to a realization that you might be better off without a mate.

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  7. Yes, there is someone out there for everyone. It doesn’t necessarily has to be a lover, but it can consist of friends, support groups and/or people who are willing to understand you.
    There is a difference in being alone because you just want time to yourself and being alone because it is safer. Fear of the unknown is normal, but that shouldn’t limit your need to want to discover more. If you are in a place where you comfortable in doing so, the do it. Take it slowly and always stay true to yourself and you will find that there will be those special peoples that will stay right next to you no matter what. Yes, there will be downfalls, fears, and losses, but in the end it is worth it.
    No one is truly alone. It is up to you to take that small step and you will see that those who love you for who you are will stay with you.
    I hope this answered your question even in the slightest.
    Thank you for sharing.

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  8. It’s certainly an interesting question. I think my single most important criterion that a potential partner would have to meet would be accepting that my illness is a part of me. I would rather be alone than be with someone who didn’t accept that 100%.

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  9. I don’t believe we necessarily are meant to be with someone. Yes, we desire to be needed but does that mean we are “meant” to be? Having a connection with someone is nice and all but I don’t think that is all to life. There are many scenarios that can be played out but if you do not love yourself, which most people with mental illness struggle with, then how are you to love another? I have been in a few long-term relationships but never married and I am 39. I have been single for 6 years and I am learning to love myself and it is no wonder I have never loved before. I have recently been dating again and I can honestly say I may be single for the rest of my life. It is less drama and more rewarding. I seem more satisfied single than I ever have being in a relationship. I am not hardened by my expierences rather cautious. Relationships have a huge impact on my mental health.

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    1. Your point is valid. Those of us who suffer from mental illnesses often forget to love ourselves first. That is what I am worried about, how a relationship would effect my current mental health.

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  10. I believe there is someone for everyone. It just may take awhile to find that one sometimes. I think there should be an equal balance of community and being alone. Sometimes you do just need that time to yourself to recharge and the like, and for those of us struggling with mental health issues that time alone can prevent something regrettable from being said. But then there are times that it’s probably better to be around people or even just one person.

    On a sidenote. My mother has depression. I have depression. And I often wonder/worry that one day my daughter will have it. But I’m hoping by changing certain aspects from childhood can help either prevent it entirely or not make it as severe.

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  11. Robbin Williams once said, “There is only one thing worse than being alone, that’s being alone when you’re with someone.” I could be paraphrasing here but that’s really close to his quote, There is also another saying that is the title of a book, “Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life.” There has been much mental illness in my life and I’ve suffered major depression for most of my life. Other people are incapable of making us happy. We have to do that ourselves. Often that’s accepting others for who they are and having relationships with others who accept us for who we are. We are humans with mental, physical and spiritual needs. We must address a balance in those three parts of us. If all we address is mental and neglect the physical and spiritual, we will remain out of balance. I’m praying you find that balance in all areas and that perfect person shows up.

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  12. Very evocative piece, James. I personally think humans weren’t meant to be alone, it’s in our DNA to seek out company although some of us prefer our own company most of the time. But a man’s not a camel, and it’s been proven by prisons around the world that solitary confinement for long periods of time can literally make you go insane. So there’s that. I know what you mean about being worried about passing on your illness – mental illnesses can be genetic – bipolar and schizophrenia in particular. My ex has been diagnosed with Schizo-Affective Disorder and I’ve struggled with depression all my life. My kids (now teenagers) both have social anxiety and depression, although thankfully neither have had any symptoms of their father’s illness (knock on wood). I think you just have to go with what you want at a particular time in your life. If you’re lonely, seek out company. The best people will stick around regardless of your illness.

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  13. It’s a really perplexing question, and also heartbreaking at the same time. I’ve asked myself these same questions. You really hit home when you said you were afraid of passing something on to somebody innocent. I want kids, but I’ve also thought about the anxieties they might gain from me. I would never want anyone to go through life feeling the way I do all the time and to think that I could give life to something that might have the same tribulations is very concerning and depressing. But I feel you (like myself) are a good person and if you want kids you’ll be passing the good genes along with the “bad.” Even with your anxiety, you’re making a difference in people’s lives through your writing and other outlets. I’m trying not to let anxiety control every aspect of my life, especially big life events, like this. If you do find the one, just know that your children will have great souls and you can definitely be a great teacher to them if they start having the same symptoms of anxiety.

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  14. Not being alone looks different for different people. After purposely being single and not dating for three years, I started dating again. So far where I’m at is that I enjoy “dating”, but I don’t have it in me to get serious with anybody. It’s what works for me. I’m open to that changing one day, either through my healing and/or that right person changing my mind. But if it doesn’t happen I’m ok with that. I do believe that we need companionship and touch, in whatever form works for each individual.

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  15. Finding the right person can enable you in some ways, they take some burdens away which feels good, but you know you shouldn’t need it. At least, this is my story. I lean on my spouse more than I want to. I met him when I was in a really good place, he stood by me when I was in a very dark place, and has supported me while I fight my way back to a good place. I feel lucky to have him, even if he makes things too easy for me sometimes. He knows he does, it’s something we work on together.

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    1. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s nice to hear a positive outcome. I sometimes wish things were different and I made different choices with my last relationship.

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  16. such a great question–and one with many answers. from a personal viewpoint, i long for someone to understand and support me–and vice versa–yet deep down i know that, largely because of my mental illness, i can’t be ready for anything serious with anyone at the moment. however, some days i don’t think i’d make it without the lovely platonic companions i’ve been given, and in the future, i can’t say i would let my illness itself stop me from falling into something romantic that seemed inevitable–those things do happen. all in all, i think it’s simply dependent on circumstances and if you personally feel led to lean on a specific someone. don’t give up hope on finding the person meant for you xx

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  17. hey James you are Powerful Beyond Measure bro Never Ever forget that. I pray & know for sure your Best Life is ahead of you & that your mental disorder does not define being alone & if its your destiny is to be with someone then it shall & will happen. You are a Survivor & inspration you’ll get there someday ☺ #BLESSUP

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  18. Man, your post echoes a lot of my own thoughts. In general, I don’t think that we’re meant to be alone. Humans are communal animals after-all, and I truly believe that all sorts of relationships are vitally important for our own well-being.

    And this is where I get all super sappy… I’d say that you won’t know if there’s someone out there for you unless you try, right? Take the lessons you learned from your last relationship and try again and again and again… at least that’s my own unprofessional and unsolicited advice.

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  19. There is def someone for everyone but you have to appreciate all to find that one. You make need to first really make friends with yourself, truly love yourself and accept the people in your life and the roles they play. Soon you’ll start to see new fun, caring and loving people who love you for you 🧡

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