My Longest Depression Cycle of 2018

Wow. How did I get here?

I haven’t written much lately on my blog. I have had little energy in April to focus on the things that I need to get done, and the rest of the stuff in my life like writing on my blog has gone by the wayside. I have been on my worst depression cycle of 2018, and it has shown the worst parts of me.

It’s the inevitable part of my diagnosis. Depression often comes and goes in my life. I have been lucky so far this year to have lived through a small amount of depression lasting only a couple of days. It has been different this time, I have been depressed for about two weeks now. This week has been the hardest, and it has honestly felt like walking through fire.

I could barely get out of bed this week, and on Monday and Tuesday, I didn’t leave my bed. I lost my appetite, and I felt my depression crushing me. I was lethargic, and writing was the last thing on my mind. Panic attacks seemed to take over my nights. I just laid in bed watching television. I knew it was coming, and that everything has its consequences.  I had just spent the last four months of none stop school work and working on my freelance projects.

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I hardly had time to take breath before I was on to the next task. I felt like a drone and the only solace I found was writing in this blog. I decided that this would be the week. I needed rest and time. I needed to get my thoughts back in line. To figure out once again how to work alongside my social anxiety and depression.

This life, my mental illness life, is about making the right adjustments to get me through my current depression cycle. I have to keep figuring out what works and what doesn’t work. I have to realize that you can only stretch yourself so thin before you start to break. I broke this week, but it didn’t defeat me.

Where do I go from here?

I reset. I start to write blogs everyday. I focus on my mental health and get my life moving in the right direction. It has been a hard week, but I am still here. Still fighting for my recovery. I am always looking toward the future. Never let mental illness win.

Always keep fighting.

James

 

Please Help me Publish my Memoir

I am almost done editing my memoir “The Bipolar Writer,” and I have decided to go down the self-publishing route. If you can donate anything towards my goal, it would mean the world to me. I am still working towards enough to pay an artist for a good cover. Those that donate will get a special mention in my memoir on a page dedicated to those that made my memoir possible. Thank you in advance!

$2.00

Photo Credit:

unsplash-logoBrunel Johnson

unsplash-logoBrianna Santellan

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31 Replies to “My Longest Depression Cycle of 2018”

  1. This is encouraging to read as I have been struggling similarily. I love that, “never let depression win” Sometimes it’s a strong battle, but I want to be the victor. It’s good to hear from you again.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Lot of anxiety maybe? It’s the changing of the seasons. The mix of weather. It could be many things. It’s interesting to think because I deal with both issues.

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  2. Thanks for this post. My anxiety has been unbearable recently – as in there are days I legit just don’t want to deal. But its a good reminder to never let mental illness win.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It is. I know he struggles with anxiety all too well. I keep thinking my anxiety will reach a level and stay there, but there are some days where I just can’t through it. Somehow I do. I take that as a sign that no matter what we must always be fighting and never let mental illness win. I wish you peace on your journey.

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  3. Yeah, I definitely can get that at the moment. I actually have time to blog this week, but I haven’t done it because my health (both mental and physical) has been too much of a struggle. As my health gets worse (my new condition will probably keep me fairly knocked out for the next couple of years, if not more), my depression gets worse too. Giving yourself time to rest and recover after your exams and working so hard this year is very important. You will get through this. My thoughts are with you. Keep fighting the good fight. I will try to as well!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you! I really appreciate that!!! I’ve played quite a few things recently as I’ve been writing freelance for a games site. One of the best things I’ve played recently is Where The Water Tastes Like Wine, which is about collecting stories as your character travels across an alternate version of the US in the 1960s/1970’s. It’s fantastic (although quite slow)! There have been a bunch of others for the site, but that was my favourite so far. I’m also replaying Persona 5 at the moment, just for fun, which is great. Hope you get time to relax and game soon!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m proud of you for putting your struggles out there for others to see. By doing that you are inspiring others to feel free to do the same. I too have struggled with depression more in the last several months than I ever have. Those who have not dealt with it have no idea how difficult it can be. Just know that there are others that relate, like me, who are on that journey with you. ♥️

    Liked by 1 person

  5. James, you may want to give the vitamin therapy a try. It’s inexpensive, risk free and if it helps you will be a regular person again. It certainly has helped me.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi James. Thanks for sharing. And I know that even writing this post was therapeutic, and your last few words show that you’re making your way back. I missed an entire week of work this week myself. Even with my photography, I didn’t want to do ANYTHING. But I know I will feel better again and so will you. Peace to you.

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