Wow. How did I get here?
I haven’t written much lately on my blog. I have had little energy in April to focus on the things that I need to get done, and the rest of the stuff in my life like writing on my blog has gone by the wayside. I have been on my worst depression cycle of 2018, and it has shown the worst parts of me.
It’s the inevitable part of my diagnosis. Depression often comes and goes in my life. I have been lucky so far this year to have lived through a small amount of depression lasting only a couple of days. It has been different this time, I have been depressed for about two weeks now. This week has been the hardest, and it has honestly felt like walking through fire.
I could barely get out of bed this week, and on Monday and Tuesday, I didn’t leave my bed. I lost my appetite, and I felt my depression crushing me. I was lethargic, and writing was the last thing on my mind. Panic attacks seemed to take over my nights. I just laid in bed watching television. I knew it was coming, and that everything has its consequences. I had just spent the last four months of none stop school work and working on my freelance projects.
I hardly had time to take breath before I was on to the next task. I felt like a drone and the only solace I found was writing in this blog. I decided that this would be the week. I needed rest and time. I needed to get my thoughts back in line. To figure out once again how to work alongside my social anxiety and depression.
This life, my mental illness life, is about making the right adjustments to get me through my current depression cycle. I have to keep figuring out what works and what doesn’t work. I have to realize that you can only stretch yourself so thin before you start to break. I broke this week, but it didn’t defeat me.
Where do I go from here?
I reset. I start to write blogs everyday. I focus on my mental health and get my life moving in the right direction. It has been a hard week, but I am still here. Still fighting for my recovery. I am always looking toward the future. Never let mental illness win.
Always keep fighting.
Please Help me Publish my Memoir
I have finished the first draft of my memoir “The Bipolar Writer,” and I have decided to go down the self-publishing route. If you can donate anything towards my goal, it would mean the world to me. Those that give will get a special mention in my memoir on a page dedicated to those that made my memoir possible. Thank you in advance!