Dealing with depression the last few weeks has opened up my eyes to the fact no matter how far I have come, and no matter how much I have gotten my depression under control, my depression always comes around. I have written recently about current depression cycle that seems to be coming close to its end.
- Time Moves Slowly – I realized in this past depression cycle that time seems to move slowly when my thoughts are consumed by depression. I tend to forget that time is even moving forward. At times I look up at it has just been a few minutes and it felt like an hour.
- I don’t think about the days – I had a phone call from my therapist because I missed my appointment (which was a good thing because she accidentally double booked my time slot) but I didn’t realize it was already Thursday.
- I Think About the Past – About the days where all I had to deal with was my social anxiety. About peaceful days where I don’t deal with anxiety or depression every second of my day. I miss those days.
- I Realized I Sleep a lot – This is an interesting thing because I don’t sleep very well or often, but when I am depressed, I actually sleep during the day— a rare thing.
- I Think About Characters for Future Stories – One of the great things that come out of my depression is everything in my life slows down. I have a lot of time to think. I thought a lot about two characters for a new story and thought I was depressed and had trouble focusing on my writing, I was able to write down some of my thoughts on these characters.
- I Think Negative Thoughts – I am sure that this the most relatable thoughts when those of us that deal with depression have to deal with during a cycle. For me, I convinced myself that because I was depressed that I didn’t do well on my finals. It was partly depression changing my thinking, and I did well on both.
- I Let the Worst Thoughts Consume me – I hate when I let things get to me, but negative thoughts and depression always go hand in hand.
- I Beleive I am at my Worst When Depressed – I am not immune to thoughts about my past suicides when I am depressed. Since 2010, I have never been so depressed that I am suicidal, but my thoughts can still get very dark.
- I Think About Changing the Narrative in my Head – Eventually I hit the point where my thoughts look towards changing the depression narrative in my head. It’s these thoughts that always help me get back out and living a healthy life without depression. My depression cycle always ends.
- I Will Fight this Current Depression Cycle.
The upside is I have been writing my thoughts in my private journal as I often do in a depression cycle. So I wanted to share ten thoughts I think about when I am depressed.
I hope you enjoyed this new list.
Please Help me Publish my Memoir
I have finished the first draft of my memoir “The Bipolar Writer,” and I have decided to go down the self-publishing route. If you can donate anything towards my goal, it would mean the world to me. Those that give will get a special mention in my memoir on a page dedicated to those that made my memoir possible. Thank you in advance!