It’s All in Your Head

Captive, I press against the bars –

Screaming

In agony of imprisonment.

But, just as often, giving up;

Huddling against the far wall,

Ignoring the tray of rations shoved timidly into my cell.

They are stale bread and watery soup, I tell myself.

I tell myself everything;

Sobbing, always sobbing.

The world outside, super-bright; the

Unreal reality; the

Too loud

Too painful

Too much to bear

Arena of sensation.

And so I stay,

Telling myself (again) and the few passersby

I want escape.

But

Really

Crawling desperately back to its stinking familiarity

To stand again at the bars

In comforting darkness

And only give audience to fellow prisoners

Echoing my lies.

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16 Replies to “It’s All in Your Head”

  1. This is a harsh reality. All too familiar, relatable to addiction as well. It is hard to recover from anything especially because it takes work. Great writing.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I have a substance abuse history as well as depression and it related closely to how I felt being addicted.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Wow! I can definitely relate, especially since I am currently experiencing the depressive phase of my bipolar cycle. This poem is powerful to me. Thank you!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. That was bee.you.tea.full.(beautiful). I loved it. I loved the descriptive eords and the rythm and flow of your words. Nicely done. Sorry for the pain you strength hounh through, but thank you for your ability to put into words so many of us have felt… Unfortunately too many times before. Much love and hugs, Sue β€πŸŒ»πŸŒ·πŸ’πŸŒΉπŸ˜Ž

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Leon.
      When I first began composing the poem, I pictured the bars BEING my mind, somehow. I think they are not just that, though; they are everything that we find limiting and restrictive (like social anxiety).
      I suppose that is all still one’s mind…

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I think the author feels imprisoned, but there is another world out there that she wants to be a part of but is impossible right now. The lies she tells herself echoes in her cell because she wants to escape, but there is no exit. So she accepts the darkness that she is comfortable with. This type of writing gave me goosebumps this is why I liked it so much.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Exactly.
      I suspect that I create my own prison in which I stand, and even voluntarily go back further into it. I don’t trust an escape.

      Like

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