My Social Anxiety Experiment on 5.22.2018

An Experiment in Social Anxiety

For the past few months when I leave my house, it is always in the early morning when my anxiety is not so high. I am usually highly productive during these times because my social anxiety, my genuine fear of being around people at any given time, has been an issue. There are fewer people at 6 am at Starbucks so I can usually study or write for a long a possible or until my anxiety hits too high of a level. When that times I finish my work at home.

This day was supposed to be my weekly mental health day. I usually need at least one day that isn’t full of things on my humongous weekly checklist a mile long. I have wanted for the past week to try a new theory– exposure therapy. I had always hated the idea when one of my psychiatrists told me about it. From what I gathered its all about putting yourself in situations that a significant trigger for social anxiety. My biggest trigger is being out in the world– which I have done less of lately.

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So I decided to test that theory. I chose an unfamiliar coffee shop and went during the worst time for my anxiety and social anxiety– during the hours of 3 pm and 7 pm. I didn’t disappoint. It was as expected. I had periods of time where things felt okay. Then I could feel the anxiety creeping in and taking over as the evening crowd began to make its way into the coffee shop.

I did what I needed to do. I had only taken one mg of my Ativan in the morning and out of the four mg that I can take a day– I had three left. So, I made an extra 1mg available to take so that I could get my anxiety under control. I needed it as I could feel the walls closing in. It helped for sure, and I could feel myself taking control of my breathing which was aided by my anti-anxiety medication.

It was a strange feeling when I am out in the world. I made some positive steps. I didn’t spend the entire time with my headphones on– which was a step in the right direction. While I felt good in spots, I also felt uncomfortable with so many people around me. It is still my greatest trigger.

I want so much to move forward and finds ways to conquer this social anxiety. I have never been on a plane, and I need to fly to several destinations in August and September. At the same time, I have learned from my fellow mental health bloggers that baby steps are the best course. I want things so bad.

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I keep fighting and working through it. There was a time in my life about three years ago where this social anxiety was not an issue. It really is a recent phenomenon. I will keep fighting and work to get better in this social anxiety life.

P.S. I am getting close to finishing my memoir. I will be trying to work this summer to make up the difference so I can publish end of summer. If you can donate it would bring me closer. Thank you so much!

James Edge Skye

Please Help me Publish my Memoir

I am almost done editing my memoir “The Bipolar Writer,” and I have decided to go down the self-publishing route. If you can donate anything towards my goal, it would mean the world to me. I am still working towards enough to pay an artist for a good cover. Those that donate will get a special mention in my memoir on a page dedicated to those that made my memoir possible. Thank you in advance!

$2.00

Photo Credit:

unsplash-logoStephen Petrey

unsplash-logoVincent Versluis

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24 Replies to “My Social Anxiety Experiment on 5.22.2018”

  1. This is excellent news!

    I can’t remember if I’ve asked you before but – are you sure you’re not a very open empath? Whether you are or aren’t – learning how to psychically shield your energy field – might be additionally helpful. And also to cleanse it regularly. Cleansing and balancing your chakras also would probably be a help.

    but also – god bless ativan! I’ve taken it before. It’s awesome.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Empaths are people who for whatever reason … take other people’s emotions and energy into their own energy field very easily. There’s no … like barrier at all for them.. my 14 is one. When he was little … he had some rocky years before he learned to shield himself properly…. until then I had to try to do it for him but he still would get hit… one time a neighbor was having a hysterical breakdown over losing his house and josh felt every bit of it he could even hear the thoughts in the guys head. He was only like 10 at the time. To this day and since he was little the minute he gets home from school he likes to be alone for a while it helps him decompress from being around people all day long.

        Sometimes I wonder how much mental “illness’ is just people who are getting bombarded with not just heir own stress…but everyone else’s around them.

        My son – last month I said something to him about shielding – I forget why,we were going to be around a person or event that was questionable – and he jokingly said “oh mom nothing’s gonna get past the militia in my brain, I have snipers up there now” – but he wasn’t really joking lol he has learned to put up energetic barriers so that his energetic field stays clean and doesn’t get polluted with everyone else’s bullcrap.

        Look up (google) What is an empath or “how to cope if you are an empath” j- see if it rings true for you.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s awesome! The more you expose yourself to the stressor, the less it will impact you (takes time). Keep having tools available to cope if you need them (music, medication, etc.) which will have an impact even if you don’t use them (kinda like a plan B). Take care

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve been trying some exposure therapy, and now the rebound is rough. Two days home from a road trip and tomorrow I leave town for Memorial Day weekend. I know, poor me. It’ll be lots of family and fun, but part of me wants to stay in my house – we’ll, forever. Good luck to you!

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    1. That’s where I would like to be. In a place where things are better. It will take some time. I tried to rush things and it only made things worse. Baby steps.

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      1. If it feels like you should do it – then you probably need to do it. You have good instincts. And your blog with your trial and errors – really helps the rest of us brainstorm ways we can try too.

        Like

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