Friday’s Guest Blog: Part I

It is my pleasure to continue to showcase guest bloggers on The Bipolar Writer blog for Mental Health Awareness Month. Today’s blog post comes from Andrew, and he describes this piece as “like a poetric obsessive anxiety filled stream of consciousness over something most people would see as minor. It’s a compilation of several situations I’ve been in where my anxiety has gotten completely out of control.”

You can find his blog here: http://www.papaineedasnack.wordpress.com/

My Dirty Shoelace

My dirty shoelace

The one I’d prefer not to touch

I discovered you in the bathroom

When I looked down

I saw you dangling there

Once in a perfect bow

Now you’re laying there,

on the wet concrete floor

In a liquid of some sort

A puddle of what I dare not ask

While I love your shoe

You have been compromised

Basking in a fluid, which I can only assume is pee

From gallons of cheep beer, being consumed,

outside of this cell door

We’re locked in this tomb of filth,

drenched in urine, or something worse

I want to wash you,

or dispose of you somehow

My friends are all outside

They’re probably wondering what has happened to me

I hope they don’t come check

I told them where I was going

God forbid they think I’m pooping

While at a restaurant,with the waiter waiting

The thought of them thinking that,

would be far worse,

than obsessing over you, but still

You stupid lace!

A filthy shoelace,

who has defaced my entire shoe

And ruined my whole night!

Oh God, why have you forsaken me

Now make this go away

I want this shoe off of me right now

Though, I can’t think of a way

But what will I wear?

An honest question asked

A to-go bag perhaps, with some napkins stuffed inside,

for padding, of course

Then I can take you outside and burn you in an alley

Or maybe someone can use you to put a plant inside

Oh disgusting creature on my foot

How do I salvage this night?

Which started with so much promise

A creature on my right foot

Has destroyed me in earnest

How the hell do I get myself out from this pickle that I’m in?

My friends definitely think I’m crazy

I’ve been gone for so long

I have to make a decision that’s right,

thought it’ll probably still be wrong

Time to act right now

That’s it, I’ve made my decision

Oh how I hate you, so I’ll just bite the freaking bullet

I touch your contaminated strand

I wipe you profusely with toilet paper

This bathroom only has hand dryers

There are no hand towels in the abondoned chrome dispensers

And that obnoxious cheap pink hand soap,

that never completely washes off

All it does is make a mess

What’s the point, there’s no hope

Paper stuck to soap, smattered on black leather

Current Status: SUSFU

I wash my hands for the final time

Use a piece of toilet paper to tie you up real tight

The circulation in my ankle is restricted

A small price to pay, for no more blunders for the night

I take a deep breath and wash once more for good measure

I use the crappy dryer

Then I walk to door,

prepped with a fake smile on my face,

sweating

I unlock the bathroom door, head down in shame

I hear wispers and I feel dizzy

I’m certain everyone noticed

I have to get back right now

No thanks to you, stupid shoelace

I thought we were in this together

Back to the table, I make a small joke

The line was ridiculous and made no sense

I have no idea what I just said

I feel hot

Something about a long line, I think

They laugh, but I think they can tell I’m lying

I laugh again nervously and sit down in my chair

All I can think about is a slimy serpent climbing up my leg

This calls for a drink, so I order one

And another, and another, and another,

until I forget all about your stupid face

Until the following morning

With my face right on top of you, shoe

I guess I couldn’t find my pillow,

so you is what I used

Ah, I think it was the filthy one!

Gallons of pee-filth is all on my face

I race to the shower and scrub four times

Then I take you to the trash shoot,

and feel so relieved

Revenge, a dish best served cold

Am I making the right decision?

Yes, it’s the only way

Phew! that was close

Glad I didn’t overact, too much

All is right in the world now

Everything back in order

Until the next thing, of course

Wonder what I’ll do today?

Possibly buy some new shoes,

I guess

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12 Replies to “Friday’s Guest Blog: Part I”

    1. Thank you. I tried to keep it light with humor, but also focus on the racing thoughts that go through someone’s mind and show how debilitating it can be.

      Like

  1. I looove this! Perfectly encapsulates all of the overthinking… I laughed at the “Glad I didn’t overact, too much”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I felt like that line was necessary because it’s funny, but also to show how skewed our thoughts can be when anxiety is out of control.

      Like

  2. I’m not sure if I’m happy or sad that I can relate to every line of this poem. I love how he worries his friends will think he’s pooping. I envy people that never think about things like that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly! I agree. I’m happy and sad that you can relate, but I envy those people who could not care less about stuff. I even know people who will shamelessly announce it to the table as a joke and everyone laughs. The anxiety is still there but the mental effort it takes to rationalize situations like these can be absolutely exhausting.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you! I felt like that line was necessary because it’s funny, but also to show how skewed our thought process can become when anxiety is out of control.

    Like

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