Friendship, Reignited

To those of us who’ve spent the majority of our lives struggling with anxiety and depression, one of the biggest obstacles to overcome is isolation. For me personally, this wasn’t actually an issue until I became a parent, because as someone with very little family, I always felt as though I needed a barrier of friends around me for protection. Fortunate as I was to have found those people when I was younger, I came to find, after entering adulthood, that friendship wasn’t quite what it seemed before.

What was once a crutch for my fear of loneliness, has now become an a burden of sorts, for I cannot seem to get back to being the kind of person who can actually maintain friendships. I was the type of friend that was always there when you needed them, but was also the one who failed to get invitations to parties and such. I’m the person who will tell you what you need to hear, no matter how badly it’s not wanted, and while I’m conscious of it as a flaw, I still tend to categorize it as a strength.

Recently I reconnected with an old friend, someone who’s been through some of the worst moments of my life with me, someone I’ve known for 16 years. There was a time when we were inseparable, never going days let alone years without talking, but we haven’t seen each other in about a year and a half. We’re both nearing our thirties yet we live completely opposite lives – mine revolving around my husband and daughter, and her still being single and living at home with her family. While it’s difficult to relate to her now in some ways, it’s also refreshing to talk to someone with a little bit of outside perspective, because sometimes that’s exactly what we need.

The moment that I basically gave up on everyone in my life was shortly after my daughter was born, nearly no one I’ve ever called a friend has even met her, and I got tired of always hearing the same old line, “Let’s make plans soon!” or “We’ll have to get together soon!”. Eventually you just stop believing it, seeing it for what it really is, a formality to lessen their guilt over not even remotely being there for me in any way at all. I began pushing everyone away, and I can’t honestly say that I regret it very much. It seemed like the mature thing to do, just accept it was all talk, let everyone off the hook, and focus on my daughter, since no one else was interested in being part of her life.

Back to now though, I’m relieved to have someone I can talk to outside of my husband, because while he’s my best friend, sometimes a woman just needs the ear of another woman to feel heard and understood. And let’s be honest, there’s just some things that men don’t want to talk or hear about, and I try not to overburden him with all of my anxieties and stresses, as he’s carrying enough on his shoulder trying to keep food on our plates and a roof over our heads.

This time around, I’m going to try to force myself to stay in touch with her, because at least she knows the true me and has been there through some of the defining moments of my life, good and bad, and doesn’t need explanation for my feelings and thoughts. We have plans for tomorrow and I have to admit, I’m more excited than I’ve been in years. She’s genuinely thrilled to spend time with my daughter, and what could warm a mother’s heart more than an old friend bonding with your child? Right now, it feels priceless.

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8 Replies to “Friendship, Reignited”

  1. Something I’ve learned is that I have to pin people down, right then, to a time and day.
    “Let’s get together sometime,” they say.
    “Great! How is next Tuesday at 12 for lunch?”
    I put it in my phone calendar. Now that I have multiple children, I need this or I am the flaky friend who cancels.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve been there. Once with even the “friend” who was supposed to be my child’s godmother. Some major things happened and I was wanting to legally and officially name her the guardian and she told me that she didn’t think godmother meant that and she didn’t want to do that. 💁‍♀️ I mean at least she told me after the fact… I let it go best I could and tried to maintain the friendship but it became more of a “oh I can’t today” at the last minute. So I just slowly started to distance myself from her. She even had the nerve to ask what was going on between us. But that aside now as a mom especially, I’m more quick to isolate myself from people who don’t show interest in hanging out, especially if my child is in tow [they’ll suggest lunch and I’m like you know I have a kid right?]. But I’m glad you’re able to rebond with one! I hope it goes well

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I like it! Friendships can be what keep us afloat in moments when we feel like we are drowning. Check out my take on friendships on my blog titled, FRIENDS. Let me know what ya think!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thank you everyone for your support! Unfortunately, my friend wasn’t feeling well and we were forced to reschedule, fingers crossed I wasn’t just blown off lol but I’m trying to keep the faith that she will come through soon.

    Like

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