* Note: 8/3/18 I have been feeling a mixture of depression and social anxiety the last two days, and it made me think of this post I wrote in March. I always seem to be stuck between two worlds, and this post (and the one linked below) is a great example of what has been going on the last two days— the challenge of the worlds I live in.
This blog post is directly linked to another blog post. You can read it here before you read this post of you like. When My Depression and Anxiety Meet
J.E. Skye – Stuck Between Two Worlds
This week has been a real challenge for me as I continue to work through my issues with anxiety and depression. I am stuck. At least it feels that way sometimes. Today I have the feeling as if I am stuck between two worlds. On the one hand, I need to stay focused. Being a college senior about to graduate (graduated July 2018), all my classes are hard. There is no getting around that fact.
I have a ton of work to do for both my classes this semester. Heck, in this week I have a ton of work to complete which includes two essays and picking a topic for my final project for my diversity 400 level class. Not to mention I have read over 200 pages already this week and I have to read more for one of those papers. I am nowhere near where I want to be, but I have plans today to get me back on track. Getting up early the rest of the week should be just what I need.
This world. The one that sees me getting my Bachelor’s degree in a few months, it seems to be pulling focus in my life more than my other world— writing.
My blog is always on my mind. I am compelled to the need to write every day. It is even harder to stay in this world lately because my life is so complicated at times. There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to write every day. My need to be constant in my writing is one of the goals I set out in 2018. It helped me to write every day to end last year and the positive effect in my life is hard to let go.
My memoir seems to be pulling even further away from me as I enter the second week of my new semester. (I am near the end of this jouney). I work on as many chapters as possible each week, and I am getting closer to a finished manuscript. The reality is this project might have to go on the back burner for a few weeks. Even more annoying is that my life seems to pulling me away from my freelance work.
Since completing my major freelance project a few weeks ago I haven’t done all that much. It seems my work life is less purposeful. I have been reluctant to pick up another major project. I have turned to small projects over the last few weeks but even those are pulling focus. I am left wondering if I am giving it my all in any aspect of my life.
The time change hasn’t helped, and to be honest I always struggle in the first week. Right now I am struggling to find the balance between the two most important worlds in my life. Then I add to the mix my mental health, it seems impossible to even get up in the morning. How do I fix myself being stuck between two worlds that I love when it feels as if I am falling?
I know these thoughts are a part of being Bipolar. I always have my doubts. My thoughts are always consuming. I have gotten better that is true, but my life can spin out of control in an instant. I worry and my fears are always at the front of my thoughts, it is who I am inside.
Finding balance has always been my greatest weakness. I am either at the extremes. I am full throttle on completing my goals or I am giving up. This week will be a real test because there are so many things pulling my thoughts in so many directions. I am stuck between two worlds. I am hopeful by this Sunday I will have refocused my life enough that mental health doesn’t suffer. Here is hoping that this reality will happen.
Please Help me Publish my Memoir
I am almost done editing my memoir “The Bipolar Writer,” and I have decided to go down the self-publishing route. If you can donate anything towards my goal, it would mean the world to me. I am still working towards enough to pay an artist for a good cover. Those that donate will get a special mention in my memoir on a page dedicated to those that made my memoir possible. Thank you in advance!