It takes every part of me to make the words escape my mouth. “You must stop this,” I yell at the burning man. “Breathe, you must.” He inhales air filling his lungs to capacity, releasing slowly. Everything all around slows, slowly at first. With his every breathe the blurry images passing us by begin to take shape.
I figured it was a night for another single dose, so I did that, and still sleep escaped me. Hours had started to pass, and I began to panic that I wouldn’t get enough sleep, it turns out that was the least of my worries. Around 2 am, I decided I had to get some sleep before waking up and did the unthinkable. For the first time in five years, I took a max dosage.
I am a writer in Ireland raising national and international awareness of mood disorders. Part of my support is to offer sites free books. Please find attached a free ebook for your website. I hope that you can publish and share this as it took many years for me to overcome the stigma and share my writing the most important thing for me now is to inspire others.
After over twenty years of fighting my demons, I had enough. My depression had become treatment-resistant, and bipolar depression is the absolute worst form of this insidious black fog. My brain didn’t care that I had a loving husband and family, that I was finally financially secure, that the stressors in my life had been reduced to a minimum.
I want to spend the rest of September sharing the stories of others here on The Bipolar Writer blog as guest spots. You can write anonymously if you like, but I would love to share your stories about experiencing the darkness of suicide.
Over the years since, there have been other times when I thought of or threatened to commit suicide. Looking back at those situations, those were probably cries for help or attempts to elicit sympathy. I got to be careful here because I know that this isn’t the case for everybody. The irony here is that during the three years of bullying hell which inspired me to write “He Was Weird,” I never thought of committing suicide. It could have been that I thought someday, I would move out of that town, which I eventually did. Seeing another way out definitely removes any thoughts of ending it all.
I wanted to share today part two of what will become a series here on The Bipolar Writer. In this series, I make connections with famous creative members of society that may have, did suffer, or are suffering and living with a mental illness.
How Sharing My Traumatic Stories Helps Me Heal I never realized I was struggling with mental illness until I started having panic attacks. A month passed before I realized these … Continue reading How Sharing My Traumatic Stories Helps Me Heal
I am inspired by the people that I meet here on WordPress through this blog– The Bipolar Writer blog. The kindness, the human connection, and the inspiring comments that I … Continue reading I am Inspired by You, Everyday
Originally posted on thoughts, musings, and stuff:
It’s Self-Care Awareness month, Suicide Prevention Month, and Suicide Prevention Day. I felt like I should contribute something to the cause, so I…
I am a suicide attempt survivor and because of that I will never be the same again. On February 17, 2018 I should have died. On that day I should … Continue reading The Things I would Have Missed
My first psychiatrist, who was my psychiatrist from 2007-2012, was prominent in limiting my medication with alternative approaches. While eventually these things did not work as well, and I stopped most of them because of the many psychiatrist changes over the years, these are still important to share.