This morning I had my first panic attack in my car in almost six months. If you have been following the recent string of blog posts, you know that I am struggling with cycling mania and depression, and now social anxiety all at once. Today I got into my car today with the hope of getting some errands done. I knew getting into my car that my anxiety was high, and it didn’t help that I didn’t sleep last night.
I envy the fantastic bloggers who use their real names because they can be true to themselves, but I have found the same level of success writing anonymously or with a pseudonym.
My creativity has been excellent. I wish at times that writing every day can be a reality, but there are days where it is impossible. I have to take a step back and realize that life cannot always be reaching perfection. I have this issue where I think everything must be perfect, but it rarely is that way.
“My loud b;polar roars fear, anger and sorrow and whispers hope, inspiration and love at the same time.” ~written by Susan Walz If you ever wondered about the meaning behind the … Continue reading How My Loud Bipolar Whispers (with a music video)
Depression cycles are all about your point of view at the time. If all you want to do is get lost in the endless darkness of depression, it will feel as if your cycle is an eternity. I have wasted years at a time of my life, but that is in the past. You can learn ways to fight depression better. I do what comes natural, and I write. I also use uplifting music to change my mood.
I always have a good working list of topics I want to discuss on The Bipolar Writer blog. Often some of my blog posts are random thoughts that pop into … Continue reading What Topics Should I Write in August?
Yesterday was the worst of it. My concentration was wavering since the moment I opened my eyes. I tried to write about one idea, and it failed. I quickly switched to another to no avail. I thought, okay James, let’s play a video game. That lasted about two minutes. Maybe it was the game? Nope.
it was always an ideal to me mental illness was a theory, a concept of something tragic that could never touch someone like me because girls with dimpled smiles and … Continue reading Masquerade
50 minutes later, via many diversions down alleys due to flooded streets, I’m finally wheeled into the mental hospital. I’m starting to think that now, finally, I can get some rest and get my meds. I’m starting to go through withdrawal. It’d been 36 hours since I’d taken them.
My list of mental illness labels is a long one. I have been diagnosed with postpartum depression, bipolar 1 disorder with rapid cycling and mixed episodes, PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder … Continue reading Mental Illness Labels
There have been a three, of what I believed at the time to be permanent, psychiatrists that helped me along with my journey to get me to today. One psychiatrist with Behavior Health got me to see a therapist for the first time in my journey, and she has been the only mainstay over the last three years. The second psychiatrist who I spent about eight months with just up and left one day.
We met an age ago amidst a storm. Her inn shone like a beacon in the night. I longed for some relief, for some place warm. The storm would pass … Continue reading The Woman of the Inn – A Sonnet